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Thread: Any Clean Good Jokes?

  1. #226

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    Quote Originally Posted by drummer View Post
    Reminder:

    Please be careful to keep things more on the clean side. I know there haven't been jokes that are considered vial per se' but some of them are a bit distasteful (read "potty humor"). We've had a few complaints so I took one or two out. Nothing to be overly concerned about but please just use the comma rule, "When in doubt, leave it out".

    I haven't been sending any warnings on this or anything. I just ask that you do the best you can. Sound fair? If you can't say it at mom's dinner table, you probably shouldn't say it here either.

    Thanks for helping us try to keep this forum as family-friendly as possible.
    The way I look at it Tom if people can't take a joke then they should not bother reading them. Laughter is the best of medicine for most of us normal people. Kind of hard to really keep them clean cause the funniest jokes are not. I know that you will not agree with me but just had to say something. Sorry
    Last edited by Pearl MCX Man; 12-20-2012 at 07:13 AM.

  2. #227

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pearl MCX Man View Post
    Kind of hard to really keep them clean cause the funniest jokes are not. I know that you will not agree with me but just had to say something.
    Actually, I do agree with you... but I still have to enforce the rules here.

  3. #228

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    I hear you man and I do understand your position.

  4. #229

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    I saw a bloke busking in a doorway recently. He was singing "When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful, a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical."

    I said "That's Supertramp"

    He said "Thanks very much!"
    Mapex Armory - Photon Blue
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  5. #230

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    A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his car:

    "I've circled this block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here, I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses."

    When he came back, he found a parking ticket and this note with it:

    "I've circled this block for 20 years, and if I don't give you this parking ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
    "...it's the Paradigm Of The Cosmos!" Stewart Copeland on Youtube

    668: The Number Of The Guy Next Door To The Beast.

    "A random act of kindness; it keeps my heart in shape!" - Late8

  6. #231

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    This story is for real .... I'd like to share it with you about drinking and
    driving.

    As you well know, some of us have been lucky not to have had brushes with
    the authorities on our way home from the various social sessions over the
    years.

    A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few wobbly pops with some friends
    and had a few too many and then topped it off with a shot ....

    Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something
    I've never done before: I took a taxi home.
    Sure enough I passed a police road block but because it was a taxi, they
    waved it past.
    I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise.

    I have never driven a taxi before and am not sure where I got it.

  7. #232

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pearl MCX Man View Post
    This story is for real .... I'd like to share it with you about drinking and
    driving.

    As you well know, some of us have been lucky not to have had brushes with
    the authorities on our way home from the various social sessions over the
    years.

    A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few wobbly pops with some friends
    and had a few too many and then topped it off with a shot ....

    Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something
    I've never done before: I took a taxi home.
    Sure enough I passed a police road block but because it was a taxi, they
    waved it past.
    I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise.

    I have never driven a taxi before and am not sure where I got it.

    Now that is funny!!

  8. #233

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    232 posts and not a single laugh. Just runnin' up my post count. One of the funnier jokes I know is about the sky but I don't use it too much because it's over everybody's head.
    Most definitely. As a matter of fact, there will be "NO LIMIT"... just an unending quagmire of musical genius.

  9. #234

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    Why do most women wash clothes in Tide?




    Cause it's too cold out tide.

  10. #235

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    Men from a woman's view

    One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
    'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
    He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE !'
    And they say blondes are dumb....

    A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'
    The woman replies, 'I'll miss you......

    While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world……...
    ………….Then He made the earth round.


    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
    A: A rumor ------------

    Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
    A: Trustworthy.
    Last edited by Pearl MCX Man; 01-05-2013 at 07:05 AM.

  11. #236

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    Adam: Gee God, why did you have to make Eve so beautiful?
    God: So that you will love her even more.

    Adam: So why did you make me so dumb then?
    God: So that she will love you even more.
    "...it's the Paradigm Of The Cosmos!" Stewart Copeland on Youtube

    668: The Number Of The Guy Next Door To The Beast.

    "A random act of kindness; it keeps my heart in shape!" - Late8

  12. #237

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    3 men walk into a bar, you would think one of them would duck.

  13. #238

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    Most of these jokes are as ridiculous as a one legged man in a brewery making hops.

  14. #239

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    so I roll my window down and the cop points out my eyes are red and asks if I've been drinking. Just as quickly I ask if he's been eating donuts cause hiseyes are glazed.
    Most definitely. As a matter of fact, there will be "NO LIMIT"... just an unending quagmire of musical genius.

  15. #240

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    Quote Originally Posted by MR. G View Post
    so I roll my window down and the cop points out my eyes are red and asks if I've been drinking. Just as quickly I ask if he's been eating donuts cause hiseyes are glazed.
    That made me LOL!
    Quoting gonefishin: Just have some bacon with ya when you go pick her up..........youre an instant chick magnet.





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  16. #241

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    A young man in a Corvette speeding down the interstate at 150 mph and gets pulled over by the State Trooper. State Trooper to the young man " I have been waiting for you" young man " I came as fast as I could".

  17. #242

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    Lance Armstrong should be applauded for riding a bike so well on drugs.
    I tried it once. I wobbled a bit, hit a dog and fell into a canal.
    Mapex Armory - Photon Blue
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    Remo & Vater

  18. #243

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    here's mine.

    Guitar Center Phone Call

    me: hi I'm calling about the used green snare you have on the website.
    sales: oh yeah
    me: what size is that?
    sales:14"
    me: huh? how deep is it?
    sales: 5.5" no 6"
    me: what's it made out of?
    sales: hold on let me go look. (comes back) I don't know what it's made out of.
    me: click
    RDM/Damage Poets
    UFiP TAMAHA Zildjian
    REGAL TiP
    AQUARIAN

  19. #244

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    What do you call a midget that can tell the future who just broke out of jail?


    A small medium at large.

  20. #245

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    'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage'.

    We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

  21. #246

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    You know what I did before I married??

    Anything I wanted to.

    My wife and I were happy for twenty years.?

    Then we met.

    A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

    A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:

    'Wife wanted'.

    Next day he received a hundred letters.?

    They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
    Last edited by Pearl MCX Man; 02-12-2013 at 07:30 AM.

  22. #247

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    WANTED GOOD WOMAN : must be able to clean, cook, sew, dig worms and clean fish must have boat and motor.

    PLEASE SEND PICTURE OF BOAT AND MOTOR

  23. #248

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    A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian"

    Passenger: "Who?"

    Cabbie: "Brian. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian, every single time."

    Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

    Cabbie: "Not Brian. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

    Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

    Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian, he could do everything right."

    Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

    Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian."

    Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

    Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his widow!"
    Mapex Armory - Photon Blue
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    Paiste Alpha & RUDE cymbals
    Remo & Vater

  24. #249

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    To quote some Goodies.......(this one's for you Drumble)

    "Once a knight, always a knight.
    But twice a knight......and you're doin' alright!!"
    Tama Rockstar & Paiste User and Abuser......

  25. #250

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    A man comes home from the doctor looking dispirited and confused.
    His wife asks him "What's wrong, hunny? What did the doctor have to say?"
    The man replies "well, alot of big words I couldn't comprehend; but the gist of it is- I have to take one of these pills everyday for the rest of my life."
    His wife, trying to comfort him, says "I'm sorry, dear. But that doesn't seem so bad."
    "Yeah but," says the man "he only gave me one pill..."

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