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Thread: any clean good jokes

  1. #476

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    Thanks Tex I wish more members would come into this page and get a good chuckle but I guess most are into their drums more lol.

  2. #477

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pearl MCX Man View Post
    Thanks Tex I wish more members would come into this page and get a good chuckle but I guess most are into their drums more lol.
    Hey I look in on this thread frequently ! Then I promptly steal the jokes and put them on my FB page . Then all my friends get a kick out of them as well .
    So....thank you for the yucks !
    Rudy .

  3. #478

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    Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

    Love that one. Ha ha thanks Gilles!

  4. #479

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    Quote Originally Posted by jedi View Post
    Hey I look in on this thread frequently ! Then I promptly steal the jokes and put them on my FB page . Then all my friends get a kick out of them as well .
    So....thank you for the yucks !
    Rudy .
    Aye Rudy steal all you want cause I steal them too and bring them here for you guys to enjoy or steal

  5. #480

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    You are welcome Oly but you only like one out of that bunch just kidding

  6. #481

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  7. #482

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  8. #483

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    65 Year-old Woman

    A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

    God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live. “Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.



    She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

    After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

    Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"



    (You'll love this) God replied: “I didn't recognize you

  9. #484

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    A smile to bring some sunshine to your day famous quotes.



    Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have
    remained a virgin.'


    - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)


    <><>


    I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'


    - Eleanor Roosevelt

    <><>


    Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
    I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.


    - Mark Twain


    <><>


    The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
    and to have the two as close together as possible.


    - George Burns


    <><>


    Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.


    - Victor Borge


    <><>


    Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.


    - Mark Twain


    <><>


    By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one,
    you'll become a philosopher.


    - Socrates


    <><>


    I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.


    - Groucho Marx


    <><>


    My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.


    - Jimmy Durante


    <><>


    I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.


    - Zsa Zsa Gabor


    <><>


    Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
    alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.


    - Alex Levine


    <><>


    My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.


    - Rodney Dangerfield


    <><>


    Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.


    - Spike Milligan


    <><>


    Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.


    - Joe Namath


    <><>


    I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.


    - Bob Hope


    <><>


    I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.


    - W. C. Fields


    <><>


    We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.


    - Will Rogers


    <><>


    Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.


    - Winston Churchill


    <><>


    Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out,
    fall out, or spread out.


    - Phyllis Diller


    <><>


    By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.


    - Billy Crystal


    And the cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good spit it out.


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and
    may nothing but happiness come through your door.

  10. #485

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    I was going to tell a joke about cymbals but I think you all have heard it a zildjian times...
    Kevin
    DW Performance series - Gun Metal Metalic Lacquer
    24/12/16 6.5x14
    Sabian AA/AAX hi-hats & crashes
    Sabian HHX Evolution ride

    Drummers can be very tempomental.....

  11. #486

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    What happens when did vicious joins Bananarama? Bana-anarchy in the UK

    Wanna hear a joke about Nirvana? Nevermind

  12. #487

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    Marriage is sharing

    The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

    He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife .

    He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

    He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

    Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

    As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

    People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She
    sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink..

    Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'

    Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

    She answered



    'THE TEETH.'
    Keep on drumming and have fun doing it.

    5pc Pearl MCX Chestnut Fade 12x9, 13x10, 16x16, 18x22 14x6.5 matching snare
    Pearl Sensitone 14x5.5 steel alloy snare
    Vintage Slingerland " Festival" steel snare 14x5
    Zildjian A's (avendis) Vintage 70's era
    17 med thin crash, 14 new beat hhts and 21 sweet crash/ride
    Zildjian K 18 med thin crash
    Pearl 1000 series all double braced hadware: 2 cymbal stands , 1 boom stand, hhts stand, snare stand
    Pearl Eliminator single chain drive

  13. #488

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    An oldie ,but goodie.
    Two Italian fellows Toni and Giuseppe would meet everyday on the same street corner at 5 PM and walk home together.
    Never early,never late and very punctual.
    So it's 5 PM and Toni shows up and no Giuseppe.
    5:10,no Giuseppe.
    5:30,no Giuseppe.
    So finally at 6 ,Giuseppe shows up driving a large black Cadillac.
    Toni asks Giuseppe where' he's been.
    Giuseppe replies well,I'm on may way here and this women drives up in this big black Cadillac,opens the doors ,takes off all of her clothiers and says take what you want.
    I take the car ,the clothes no fit.
    Last edited by pgm554; 03-11-2017 at 07:17 PM.
    FibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibes FibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibes FibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibes FibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibes FibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibes FibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibes FibesFibesFibesFibesFibesFibes

  14. #489

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    An 90 old woman was arrested for shoplifting a can of peaches. Standing in front of the judge he says to her
    " Why would a woman your age steal a can of peaches?"
    Your honor she replies " I was hungry".
    Judge trying to figure out what kind of punishment he would give a woman of 90.
    He asks her " How many peaches where there in the can"
    She replies " 4 your honor"
    Judge says
    " Well I think I will give you 4 hours in a jail cell to teach you a lesson.
    Mean while her husband sitting in the room raises his hand and says.
    " Excuse me your honor, may I say something in behalf of my loving wife?.
    Of course said the judge was is it?
    " Your honor she also stole a can of peas."
    Keep on drumming and have fun doing it.

    5pc Pearl MCX Chestnut Fade 12x9, 13x10, 16x16, 18x22 14x6.5 matching snare
    Pearl Sensitone 14x5.5 steel alloy snare
    Vintage Slingerland " Festival" steel snare 14x5
    Zildjian A's (avendis) Vintage 70's era
    17 med thin crash, 14 new beat hhts and 21 sweet crash/ride
    Zildjian K 18 med thin crash
    Pearl 1000 series all double braced hadware: 2 cymbal stands , 1 boom stand, hhts stand, snare stand
    Pearl Eliminator single chain drive

  15. #490

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    There were three kingdoms that were next to each other and there was one bit of land that was disputed among them. Wars had been fought over this land but the outcome was always the same. The territory remained in dispute. One day, the kings decided to settle this dispute once and for all. They decided on trial by combat. Each would send their best knight to do battle and the winner would get the territory.

    The first knight arrived at the field of battle around dusk with ten squires. He relaxed in his tent while the squires busied themselves setting up camp, making the evening meal, polishing the knights armor and sharpening his weapons.

    The second knight arrived with twenty squires and also relaxed while his squires did the same thing as those of the first knight.

    The third knight arrived with only one squire. The knight set about cleaning his own armor and sharpening his own weapons while his squire set up camp and made the evening meal. He made enough for breakfast the next morrow and he put the rest in a pot. He tied a loop in a rope, strung the rope between two trees and hung the pot in the loop so animals would not get to it.

    The next morning, the three knights met on the field of combat. They decided this combat was beneath them and decided to let their squires settle the issue. The squires all met and the next thing that could be seen was a cloud of dust and flying grass so thick that it obscured the battle field. When the dust settled only one squire remained standing. It was the one squire of the third knight. That is because the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

    Ba dum ching.
    Drumming is the best psychiatry.

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