Page 1 of 20 12311 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 496

Thread: any clean good jokes

  1. #1

    User Info Menu

    Thumbs up any clean good jokes

    I was wondering if anyone has any clean good jokes to share with everyone. hope this little example does not offend anyone or religions ec. This is in fun.


    Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh:

    His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh

    The brother who ate prunes------------------------------- Gotta Gogh

    The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh

    The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----------------------------- U Gogh

    His magician uncle -------------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh

    His Mexican cousin ---------------------------------------- A Mee Gogh

    The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ------------ Gring Gogh

    The nephew who drove a stage coach --------------- Wells-far Gogh

    The constipated uncle ------------------------------------- Can't Gogh

    The ballroom dancing aunt -------------------------------- Tang Gogh

    The bird lover uncle -------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh

    The fruit-loving cousin -------------------------------------- Man Gogh

    An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------ Way-to-Gogh

    The little bouncy nephew ----------------------------------- Poe Gogh

    A sister who loved disco -------------------------------------- Go Gogh

    And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh

    I saw you smiling . . . there ya Gogh!
    Keep on drumming and have fun doing it.

    5pc Pearl MCX Chestnut Fade 12x9, 13x10, 16x16, 18x22 14x6.5 matching snare
    Pearl Sensitone 14x5.5 steel alloy snare
    Vintage Slingerland " Festival" steel snare 14x5
    Zildjian A's (avendis) Vintage 70's era
    17 med thin crash, 14 new beat hhts and 21 sweet crash/ride
    Zildjian K 18 med thin crash
    Pearl 1000 series all double braced hadware: 2 cymbal stands , 1 boom stand, hhts stand, snare stand
    Pearl Eliminator single chain drive

  2. #2

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Lmao. Well done mcx man, well done.
    ZildjianLeague/LP/Aquarian/Mapex/Pearl
    Snares: 4
    RIP- Frank, Wolvie, Les Paul
    Quote Originally Posted by Pearl MCX Man View Post
    I wish I was your wife
    Quote Originally Posted by amdrummer View Post
    if double bass is cheating then so is using two sticks

    Forum Rules
    DrumBum
    No metronome?
    The Rudiments

  3. #3

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Good Gogh-ing Pearl MCX man!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    T.C.

  4. #4

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Thanks Guys I was worried that it may offend but I guess this forum is not that touchy I guess. You guys thought that was funny check out my you might be a drummer if? Gotta Gogh now.
    Last edited by Pearl MCX Man; 05-09-2011 at 02:32 PM.
    Keep on drumming and have fun doing it.

    5pc Pearl MCX Chestnut Fade 12x9, 13x10, 16x16, 18x22 14x6.5 matching snare
    Pearl Sensitone 14x5.5 steel alloy snare
    Vintage Slingerland " Festival" steel snare 14x5
    Zildjian A's (avendis) Vintage 70's era
    17 med thin crash, 14 new beat hhts and 21 sweet crash/ride
    Zildjian K 18 med thin crash
    Pearl 1000 series all double braced hadware: 2 cymbal stands , 1 boom stand, hhts stand, snare stand
    Pearl Eliminator single chain drive

  5. #5

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Funny stuff.

    I'll add one. One for gonefishin

    World's Best Salesman

    A young guy from Minnesota moved to Florida and went to a big
    'everything under one roof' department store looking for a job . The
    Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah.

    I was a salesman back in Minnesota ."

    The boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. " You start tomorrow, > I'll come after we close and see how you did."

    His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the
    store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought
    something from you today?" The kid says, "One." The boss says, "Just
    one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was
    the sale for?" "The kid says "$101,237.65" The boss says "$101,237.65
    What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "First, I sold him a small
    fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger
    fishhook. Then a new fishing rod . Then I asked him where he was going
    fishing and he said down the coast; I told him he was going to need a
    boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin
    engine Chris Craft . Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic
    would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and
    sold him that 4x4 Expedition.
    " The boss said, "A guy came in here to
    buy a fishhook, and you sold him a boat AND A TRUCK?" The kid said,
    "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife; I said, 'Dude,
    your weekend's shot, you should go fishing....."
    I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.

  6. #6

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Very good one PopsOldSkins I'm sure gonefishing was that customer, got to be.
    Last edited by Pearl MCX Man; 05-09-2011 at 03:08 PM.
    Keep on drumming and have fun doing it.

    5pc Pearl MCX Chestnut Fade 12x9, 13x10, 16x16, 18x22 14x6.5 matching snare
    Pearl Sensitone 14x5.5 steel alloy snare
    Vintage Slingerland " Festival" steel snare 14x5
    Zildjian A's (avendis) Vintage 70's era
    17 med thin crash, 14 new beat hhts and 21 sweet crash/ride
    Zildjian K 18 med thin crash
    Pearl 1000 series all double braced hadware: 2 cymbal stands , 1 boom stand, hhts stand, snare stand
    Pearl Eliminator single chain drive

  7. #7

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Here's one to add to the Vincent Van Gogh jokes.

    Did you know his sister entertains people?

    Yeah, didnt you know? She's a Gogh-Gogh dancer!
    "...it's the Paradigm Of The Cosmos!" Stewart Copeland on Youtube

    668: The Number Of The Guy Next Door To The Beast.

    "A random act of kindness; it keeps my heart in shape!" - Late8

  8. #8

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar, and the bartender says "hey, what's with the long face..........?"
    Tama Rockstar & Paiste User and Abuser......

  9. #9

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    my neighbour banged on my door at 3am this morning; can you believe that???

    Luckily is was still up playing my drums
    If you are going through hell...keep going!

  10. #10

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by chrisbkk View Post
    my neighbour banged on my door at 3am this morning; can you believe that???

    Luckily is was still up playing my drums
    Good one.

  11. #11

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    2 electrons walk out of a bar. One electron says," Wait, I think I forgot something." The second electron asks, "Are you sure?"
    The first electron replies, "I'm positive."
    "The chances of being attacked and killed by a terrorist are less than the chances of being attacked and killed by your own heart"
    Carrying the message to Garcia. Today and everyday.
    Temple Beth Snare Buzz-Head Rabbi

  12. #12

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by spesman View Post
    Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar, and the bartender says "hey, what's with the long face..........?"
    HA!!

    How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?

    Two. One to screw it in and one to screw it up.
    "...it's the Paradigm Of The Cosmos!" Stewart Copeland on Youtube

    668: The Number Of The Guy Next Door To The Beast.

    "A random act of kindness; it keeps my heart in shape!" - Late8

  13. #13

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Two trees a birch and a beech see a little tree in between them so the birch says is that a son of a birch or a son of a beech. The beech not sure so let'sask the wood pecker who happened to be around. Could you tell us if this little tree is a son of a beech or son of a birch. The woodpecker says ok I'll check it out. No says the woodpecker it is not a son of a beech or a son of a birch but it sure is the best tasting piece of ash I ever put my pecker into.

    I hope this joke is not taken the wrong way cause it is kinda clean..
    Keep on drumming and have fun doing it.

    5pc Pearl MCX Chestnut Fade 12x9, 13x10, 16x16, 18x22 14x6.5 matching snare
    Pearl Sensitone 14x5.5 steel alloy snare
    Vintage Slingerland " Festival" steel snare 14x5
    Zildjian A's (avendis) Vintage 70's era
    17 med thin crash, 14 new beat hhts and 21 sweet crash/ride
    Zildjian K 18 med thin crash
    Pearl 1000 series all double braced hadware: 2 cymbal stands , 1 boom stand, hhts stand, snare stand
    Pearl Eliminator single chain drive

  14. #14

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    A woman is sitting in a bar, sipping her drink, when she hears a small voice beside her saying "that's a lovely dress".
    She looks around to see nobody there. She shrugs her shoulders and continues with her drink.
    Then she hears it again..."it really matches your shoes".
    Again she looks around and there is no-one to be seen.
    She tells the bartender that she can hear a voice telling her how nice she looks, and the bartender says...."oh, that's just the peanuts - they're complimentary".
    Tama Rockstar & Paiste User and Abuser......

  15. #15

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, the keyboardist does it with his left hand.
    - Zack

  16. #16

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
    Oh DAM

  17. #17

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    What do you call a deer with no eyes?













    No eye deer.

  18. #18

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Have you heard about the new drink called "The Bin Laden" ??



    It's two shots - and a splash of water.
    "The problem with information on the Internet is that you can not validate it's authenticity. " -Abraham Lincoln

    SILVERFOX DRUMSTICKS & SOULTONE CYMBALS Endorsing Artist.

  19. #19

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?


    A: Only finding half of a worm in your apple!

  20. #20

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Three pieces of string were one day walking on a street when they passed a bar and decided to go in for a drink or two. However they didn't realise that they were in a wrong part of town for them, because the place had an anti-string serving policy.

    The first string walks up to the bar and said "Scotch and soda on the rocks, thanks man." To which the barkeeper said "Oi you! Didn't you see the sign? No strings, that's the bar rules. Beat it!" So the first string had no choice but to leave.

    The second string walks up to the bar and said "One beer thanks man." To which the barkeeper said "Oi you! Didn't you hear what I just your buddy over there? No strings, that's the bar rules. Hop it!" So the second string had to leave as well.

    In the meantime, the third string, having seen all this, went to the bathroom, contorted himself a bit, then mucked around with the top of his head a bit, before heading back out and settling himself at the bar, calling the barkeep's attention. "I'll have a gin and tonic, thank you." To which the barkeeper, looking at him slightly suspiciously, replied "Hey, I think you look familiar. You're another one of those pieces of string that walked into here a moment ago, right?"

    "Nope. I'm a frayed knot, I think you're mistaken."
    "...it's the Paradigm Of The Cosmos!" Stewart Copeland on Youtube

    668: The Number Of The Guy Next Door To The Beast.

    "A random act of kindness; it keeps my heart in shape!" - Late8

  21. #21

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    ^^^
    Tama Rockstar & Paiste User and Abuser......

  22. #22

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Three. Two to hold the ladder, one to screw the bulb in, but not into the socket. More likely a faucet. Nothing new.

    How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Just one, but it takes 30 visits.

    How many Pygmies does it take to change a lightbulb?
    At least three.

    How many surrealist artists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Two. One to paint the giraffe blue and the other one to put the power-tools in the empty bath.

    How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One thousand. Ten theoretical economists with all their different theories about how to change the light bulb and 990 empirical economists sweating out over calculations, working out which light bulb changing theory is the best one......whilst the rest of us are still sitting in the dark.

    How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Five. One to change the bulb, four holding the ladder saying how much better (insert drummer's name) _____ can do it.

    How many Chuck Norriss's does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None. Really, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
    "...it's the Paradigm Of The Cosmos!" Stewart Copeland on Youtube

    668: The Number Of The Guy Next Door To The Beast.

    "A random act of kindness; it keeps my heart in shape!" - Late8

  23. #23

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    The three bears returned from a stroll in the woods to find the door of their house wide open.
    Papa Bear: "Someone's been eating my porridge!"
    Mama Bear: "Well, someone's been eating my porridge too!"
    Baby Bear: "Never mind the porridge.....someone's nicked our DVD player and entertainment system!"
    "...it's the Paradigm Of The Cosmos!" Stewart Copeland on Youtube

    668: The Number Of The Guy Next Door To The Beast.

    "A random act of kindness; it keeps my heart in shape!" - Late8

  24. #24

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 am. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

    The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."

    The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

    The man replies, "That would be my wife."
    I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.

  25. #25

    User Info Menu

    Default Re: any clean good jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by EddieV View Post
    Have you heard about the new drink called "The Bin Laden" ??



    It's two shots - and a splash of water.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    T.C.

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •