Finish the sentence.

[eric vaxxine]

acting out Monty Python's 'Cheese Shop' sketch.
This made me

[FlyByNight]

Want a mouse.

By age 16,

[eric vaxxine]

I had problems

[gonefishin]

cooking bacon without burning it.

But now.......

[SpazApproved]

I'm an expert and can even cook bacon naked.


The only problem...

[FlyByNight]

Is I get burnt big time.

I've developed a new ointment to

[eric vaxxine]

alleviate my inner thigh rash.

The side effects of the ointment are

[FlyByNight]

dizziness, nausea, dry mouth, excessive sweating, head pain, gas, loss of appetite, low energy, stomach cramps, weight loss, abnormal increase in muscle tone, anxiety, back pain, hair loss, muscle pain, blurry vision, uncontrollable bleeding, sniffling, sneezing, high fever, increased hunger, indigestion, inflammation of the nose, hives, high blood sugar, itching, headaches, nosebleed, allergic reaction, seizures, difficulty swallowing, dilated pupils, numbness, hyperactive behaviour, skin discolouration, tooth decay, heartburn, constipation, burning, irritation.

If any of these side effects persist,

[eric vaxxine]

I will publish my own 'Side-effects' compendium.
My wife

[FlyByNight]

listened in disbelief as I read them out.

She proceeded to

[eric vaxxine]

seek evidence that I had been unfaithful.

I knew that all she would uncover would be

[Bish]

all the crap I wanted covered up.

Now that the frost has lifted,

[eric vaxxine]

I no longer have to grit my teeth, when going out.
Some say that life is a

[gonefishin]

Box of chocolates.

But in reality........

[FlyByNight]

you know what you're going to get.

After spending a day watching movies,

[eric vaxxine]

I decided to make one myself.

I effortlessly wrote a short script about

[Bish]

buying a box of chocolate caramels from Fannie Mae.

I can't believe I ate the entire box before ...

[FlyByNight]

they came to take them back.

they insisted

[eric vaxxine]

I had hidden them and ransacked my place.
I called my sister's husband's second cousin's best friend, a cop who

[gonefishin]

Did not like Fanny Mae chocolates.

He suggested.......

[Bish]

Planters Peanuts.

I said ...

[Olimpass]

"Why would I put peanuts in my planters?"

So I tried this and...

[longgun]

then he arrested me.

Not sure if I have enough........

[SpazApproved]

peanuts stored away in my secret place though.

Hopefully when out of jail...

[Bish]

bacon still exists.


My next BLT will be