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Thread: Sugardaddys - Third gig report - this might be the last one.

  1. #1

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    Default Sugardaddys - Third gig report - this might be the last one.

    Current mood = sad.

    We had a packed house and played great....all except our talentless female.

    After the gig, she proceeded to come totally unglued and not only chastised the band but also several patrons of the bar. She went into some rant about no one helping her husband pack up the P/A. Ummm, hey stupid, guess what? We have to get our personal gear off the stage and out of the way before we tear down the P/A. So where was she during tear down? At the bar drinking. She couldn't even pack up cables but was all for literally screaming at everyone in the band that we are lazy.

    Here's us.....

    She physically hit her husband several times, tried to pick a physical fight with the bar owner and band mates. I'd never seen such an act by an adult trying hard to be 7 years old and throw tantrums. She was very good at it.

    She unfriended me on FB because I won't tolerate any of her shenanigans or let her call me names or any other attacks of any kind. So she hates me because I won't stoop to her level. She's blaming the band breakup on me.

    She supposedly put out another tirade on FB about hating drama yet she brings it on herself. She said she has quit the band which is the best news ever but since she's married to the guitarist I don't think she'd stay away from any future gigs and I know she'll do whatever she can to destroy the show.

    I only have one resort and that is to leave this drama show behind. I still have a bit of a good reputation left in this area and will be damned if some drunken whacko is going to make things worse.

    I've had the worst luck over the past 5 years trying to get and hold together a decent band. Someone please make me a reasonable offer to buy all my gear so I can move on to some other hobby. Good grief.
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  2. #2

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    Default Re: Sugardaddys - Third gig report - this might be the last one.

    It's like herding cats brother. Hey, that might be a good band name, eh? Herding Cats.

  3. #3

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    Default Re: Sugardaddys - Third gig report - this might be the last one.

    Well that news sucks. Here I thought you had gone and found a good group of musicians to have some fun with...............seems there is always one that is a problem.
    As far as packing gear for load in/load out, nobody works harder than the drummer................she is a cranky and uninformed.
    Maybe you can replace the married couple (I've never been in a band with a married couple that wasn't a problem) and the rest of you guys can keep a good band going.
    I REALLY HATE IT when I learn 40 new songs and only get a few gigs out of it..................a lot of work for nothing...................slap her !
    I am very lucky to be with my current band; we all get along really well..............almost 2.5 years now.
    Now if I could only find a way to keep all the wives from showing up............
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
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  4. #4

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    That's sucks, man. I'm having similar drama in one of my bands now, also w/ a singer (what is it w/ them?) I'm moving at the end of the year so I'm not bothering to quit but if I were you, I definitely would. It sucks to have to find a new band but it sounds like these guys suck harder.


    And if she unfriended you on FB, then you really know it's over
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  5. #5

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    Wow. That's insane. Sounds like someone is off their meds, LOL. I didn't realize you guys had a girl singer or that she was a band wife. You're too experienced to put up with that stuff. I'd say, ditch them both and start a new band with the bass player. Guitar players are a dime a dozen.
    -Brian

    "Too many crappy used drum stuff to list"

    Play the SONG......not the DRUMS!!!

    "I think that feeling is a lot more important than technique. It's all very well doing a triple paradiddle - but who's going to know you've done it? If you play technically you sound like everybody else. It's being original that counts." ~ John Bonham

  6. #6

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    That's a crazy story! I had a bad gig last Saturday night as well but mainly technical issues. Guitar player forgot some of the second song so decided to put the guitar down and start singing backup. Because of the 30 minute delay we had to eliminate 2 songs from the set. Finally on the last song near the end of the song, I drop a stick. But their is a silver lining somehow we were able to book 3 more gigs.

    That sucks about your band situation, but you will find that group and fit right in.

  7. #7

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    I feel for you Bish, BUT, my 2nd wife was worse. She would make Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction look like Mrs Brady.

    I was in a husband & wife band that should have been called M.O.A.B. The bass player and I become very close friends, formed our own band, and worked for 32 years. (He died in '91 of a massive heart attack. He was 41). We found another bass player, a young lady who fit right in and was with us for about 14 years.

  8. #8

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    Default Re: Sugardaddys - Third gig report - this might be the last one.

    DC is the place. One can find comfort and crack a smile after other's posts. Thanks!

    There is so much other stuff she did that I left out for times sake but the singer (a guy), the bass player and myself had talked Saturday night about staying together no matter what, or words similar, during the middle of the fiasco but they both have said they'd experienced stuff like this before with her and they are done, too. With or without the guitarist I'm pretty sure we are still going to move forward. We may be having a band meeting tomorrow night. It's going to be up to the guitarist if he want's to stay but she is no longer welcome around us just for safety sake. As was said, we've worked too hard to just let her break us all up. On the down side, if we lose the guitarist we also lose the PA/sound tech and trailer that hauls all the band gear. They guy is a hard working machine and I firmly believe his wife is more of a leach than a positive companion. I feel bad for the guy for the most part.

    I can tell you when it became apparent she was going to be trouble. We were invited to participate in a Sunday Funday Sunday night outdoors performance from 8-12 in rotation with several other bands for the entire summer. The female singer from another well known country rock band was in charge of organizing the event. Once she'd heard who was in our band we are automatically X'd off due to a post our female made about her. Our female said that singer was nothing but a karaoke wanna be. Right on FB for everyone to see.

    Before I knew all this I had asked the band if they would be interested in being in the rotation. Everyone agreed. During a rehearsal night the following week I was asked what happened and I simply explained that due to her post, we don't get to be part of the rotation. She came unglued and started yelling at us that she can do and say anything she wants because she's 50 something and can do as she pleases. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and blaming me for causing all the drama. It got pretty loud in the room with her going outside to cool off, while cussing us out all the way. That was then I knew this band was going to be short lived. That was about a month ago or so. From that point forward I had no desire to go to rehearsal knowing it would be a waste of time. So this chick is a serious cancer to the future of any band she tries to be in.

    ...I have more stories but you are safe for now....LOL

    I talked to the bass player tonight and he's going to call the guitarist tomorrow and find out where everything stands. I'll keep you posted.

    Thanks again, guys!
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    That stinks Bish. Hopefully the rest of the band minus the crazy lady can stay intact and all your work won't go to waste. Keep us updated. As far as someone making a reasonable offer for your gear so you can quit, I would but then I would need to contact a lawyer about my pending divorce lol!
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  10. #10

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    Default Re: Sugardaddys - Third gig report - this might be the last one.

    Quote Originally Posted by N2Bluz View Post
    Guitar players are a dime a dozen.
    You tell 'em N2B.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bish View Post
    On the down side, if we lose the guitarist we also lose the PA/sound tech and trailer that hauls all the band gear. They guy is a hard working machine and I firmly believe his wife is more of a leach than a positive companion. I feel bad for the guy for the most part.
    So this chick is a serious cancer to the future of any band she tries to be in.
    I talked to the bass player tonight and he's going to call the guitarist tomorrow and find out where everything stands. I'll keep you posted.
    I think it could be a smart move to talk to this guitarist/PA sound tech/trailer guy when the cray-cray-wife is not around.
    Clearly -- he must know how to deal with her loco moments.................maybe you can keep something going with him and get rid of her (I know.............difficult).
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
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  11. #11

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    Honestly, if that's what goes on in public, you can imagine what the guitar player goes through behind the scenes. I think you'd be doing him a favor by letting him go as well. To allow him to stay and not his wife would create havoc for his home life.
    You can pick up your own small powered mixer and basic setup for between $500 and $1000. It would get you by to start and be good to always have as a back-up or for small private parties, etc..
    -Brian

    "Too many crappy used drum stuff to list"

    Play the SONG......not the DRUMS!!!

    "I think that feeling is a lot more important than technique. It's all very well doing a triple paradiddle - but who's going to know you've done it? If you play technically you sound like everybody else. It's being original that counts." ~ John Bonham

  12. #12

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    Default Re: Sugardaddys - Third gig report - this might be the last one.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ricardo View Post
    You tell 'em N2B.



    I think it could be a smart move to talk to this guitarist/PA sound tech/trailer guy when the cray-cray-wife is not around.
    Clearly -- he must know how to deal with her loco moments.................maybe you can keep something going with him and get rid of her (I know.............difficult).
    That is the consensus amongst the rest of us. Him (without her) or no deal. It's gotta be that way. This also isn't the first time this has occurred with her and previous bands. She's not going to change her behavior and we aren't the ones to make an attempt to change her.
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  13. #13

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    Bish,
    Your story sounds eerily familiar to mine. I was in a band with a husband and wife for 5 years as well. The wife was an awful singer, drank during gigs, forgot lyrics to songs she'd been singing for 10 years and didn't help much with setup/breakdown. We talked to her husband, a guitarist when people who had come to see us said how bad she was. He made it clear he would never ask her to leave the band and if we didn't like it we could leave. We tried to make it work by limiting her vocals and finding songs that she could do the least damage to. Since the husband and wife had the PA, lights and practice space, we were a bit over a barrel. Finally last year the rest of us had had enough and decided after our last booked gig, we were out. While we were playing out the final few gigs, I happened to meet a phenomenal female vocalist who was looking for a band. We started practicing with her on the side and the day after the last gig, we notified the husband that 4 of us were leaving the band.
    That was 5 months ago and the new band has gigs in the books, and are dying to get our new sound in front of an audience. We have killer vocals now. We can do anything from Aretha Franklin to Journey including songs by the Eagles and CSN with 3 and 4 part harmonies. The husband, who the other guitarist and I also work with, has barely spoken to us since we announced we were leaving. He was the one who gave us the ultimatum though and I guess he didn't think we'd call his bluff.
    By the way we had amassed some PA gear over the years so are in good shape in that regard. We are targeting better venues to play which tend to have house PAs, so it might not even matter.
    So Bish, I wanted to relate my story to you to let you know that, even though it might suck now, you WILL end up in a better situation which will give you more satisfaction and joy. Don't be discouraged!


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  14. #14

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    Default Re: Sugardaddys - Third gig report - this might be the last one.

    Bish that is one of the reasons why I never wanted to be part of any band. The BS and stress is not worth it. You have finally come to that decision. The stress will be gone and you can go on with your life. Good luck man and I know you will miss playing drums in gigs but you can still do it at the comfort of your home like I do.

  15. #15

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    This is a photo of my lead singer at load-in......................

    f73e884460a92667c37dc5855c4c8f8a[1].jpg
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
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  16. #16

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    Just went through something similar with the band I was trying to put together. One crazy woman gets involved, and all hell breaks loose, and there is no band. Thankfully the bass player got me an audition with a band he used to play with (and is going back to).
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  17. #17

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    Default Re: Sugardaddys - Third gig report - this might be the last one.

    Good stories and yes, they do sound similar.

    I spoke with the bassist again after he had a talk with the guitarist and it appears the guitarist is going to "retire" from playing....What a total waste and he's just empowering his abusive wife to continue down her nasty path.

    Good enough for me....

    Still waiting to see what the singer wants to do. If he's still in, then we will look for replacement guitarist or two or guitar and keyboard.

    The train isn't derailed yet, but has jumped to a new set of tracks. Chugga, chugga, chew, chew.
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  18. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bish View Post
    Still waiting to see what the singer wants to do. If he's still in, then we will look for replacement guitarist or two or guitar and keyboard.
    Yes -- this is the preferred route -- and with the material you three guys have already worked up together, if you happen to find two good players, it's all downhill from there.
    It should come together quickly and will likely be a better band too.
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
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  19. #19

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    Update: No one has the singers phone number so we are scrambling for that. LOL

    We also have two guitarists that are going to come over next Wednesday to see what is, singer willing.

    Prayers and power thoughts would be good for the next several days. teeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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  20. #20

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    That sucks, man. Bands are always drama. Currently going through BS with my band over politics of all things. One member can't check his opinions at the door and just play music so he's trying to get rid of the one member who doesn't share his opinions, even though that guy never talks politics.

  21. #21

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    Sorry to hear about your band troubles. I feel ya! Makes me so grateful to be in a band with less drama.
    Cut it large and kick it into place!

  22. #22

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    Wow Bish. What a story. Good luck!

  23. #23

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    This is why every band needs female groupies. They could have handles this shiz for you!
    Six piece birch Mapex kit, a Black Panther Blade snare drum, Sabian cymbals, and Vater Drumsticks.

  24. #24

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    My brother's ex wife was that way. Her behavior got progressively worse. Then one day she went too far and assaulted him in his sleep with a cast iron kettle. I was seriously worried for his safety. He left, filed for divorce and she spent the next 6 months in a drunken stupor, floating & out of jail. She missed their final divorce hearing because she was in jail in another state, LOL.
    -Brian

    "Too many crappy used drum stuff to list"

    Play the SONG......not the DRUMS!!!

    "I think that feeling is a lot more important than technique. It's all very well doing a triple paradiddle - but who's going to know you've done it? If you play technically you sound like everybody else. It's being original that counts." ~ John Bonham

  25. #25

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    Maybe you should bend your principles and ease the situation by apologising to her with a large bottle of Absinthe?

    Maybe not....

    There is only one long term answer to this type of situation and it looks like you are taking it. I kind of feel sorry for the guitar player as he's stuck with her 24/7.

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