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Thread: More Soap Opera Drama

  1. #1

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    My band played another full house last night at the biggest and best club in town..............once again, the bar management was very happy and complimentary................a big CINCO DE MAYO celebration and the place sold out of tequila.................I was told they stocked extra Mex-beer in 8 brands and sold out on 6 of those as well.

    We finished the last set at about 12:30 and before I could finish a sip of water and still sitting on the drum throne, my bass player gets everyone around the drum set and informs us this is his last gig..................he tells us he is just "burned out" and "I love you guys".
    The last note of the last song had been struck less than 30 seconds before.......................buzzkill.

    The truth is that he is in a new marriage with a horribly insecure and manipulative woman with the mind of an 8th grade princess.
    She is behind all this (and everyone else in the band knows it) -- he lied to us (and everyone else in the band knows it).

    We have gigs booked the rest of the year and he offered no smooth transition or assistance.................he just said "I'm done".
    I suppose she is happy that he has decided to agree to (what I know to be) her long-pending request.

    This is a great band and I assume we will have people standing in line to replace him................but still a hassle and a lot of work.
    I've been in many bands and learned to separate the band life from the personal life -- I thought he was a seasoned pro.
    This guy has been playing all his life.............the wife has now proven she does not have his best interests in mind and if he is going to allow her manipulation then he deserves what he gets............this band has been together longer than his marriage -- I predict zero long-term happiness.
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
    (What Else Would I Ever Need ?)


  2. #2

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    This reminds me of Bish and his band having problems with guitar player's wife. I don't know what it is with these guys that let their wives control them. To me a relationship should be 50/50 for it to work. To me this guy is in love and a whip to let her make him quit the band and when that goes away he will probably be back begging you guys .
    Keep on drumming and have fun doing it.

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  3. #3

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    Wow. That really sucks. Not even covering gigs until a replacement is found is a hard pill to swallow. If there's an upside, it that you guys are established, respected and well known...so you probably will find a suitable replacement in short order.
    -Brian

    "Too many crappy used drum stuff to list"

    Play the SONG......not the DRUMS!!!

    "I think that feeling is a lot more important than technique. It's all very well doing a triple paradiddle - but who's going to know you've done it? If you play technically you sound like everybody else. It's being original that counts." ~ John Bonham

  4. #4

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    I feel your pain. I know that is no consolation.

  5. #5

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    This is what we live with. I've known several Yoko's in my life.

  6. #6

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    In my first band we auditioned a few guitarists and finally settled with this one guy. Real good attitude ready for the long haul had good equipment etc. He had two major problems: 1) Lived 45 minutes away, 2) and a very controlling wife. This was before cell phones she would blow that pager up and he would literally run to the payphone during rehearsals​. Her biggest excuse was "today is family day and you promised"! Long story short we had a gig on memorial day and he committed to play. After that gig I never seen him again. We even had a ad in the Recycler that said no girlfriend​/wife problems. I guess he thought she wouldn't mind. Turns out this was the best move ever. The band leaders girlfriend's​ best friend boyfriend was a guitarist and very good. He joined our band and we did big things more gigs, a demo, and play a battle of the bands with the thrash band D.R.I. headlining.

  7. #7

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    (sigh!!!) Ah... Show Bizz

    all the best...

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pearl MCX Man View Post
    I don't know what it is with these guys that let their wives control them. To me a relationship should be 50/50 for it to work. To me this guy is in love and a whip to let her make him quit the band and when that goes away he will probably be back begging you guys .
    The offer is off the table.................go find some other band to screw.
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
    (What Else Would I Ever Need ?)


  9. #9

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    There's a time to be principled and a time to be pragmatic. So first I want to know, how hot is she?

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by G-man View Post
    There's a time to be principled and a time to be pragmatic. So first I want to know, how hot is she?
    I assume you are asking about the new wife ?
    On a scale of 1 to 10...........................she is a 4 at best (physically).....................mentally, I give her a 1 or a 2.
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
    (What Else Would I Ever Need ?)


  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricardo View Post
    I assume you are asking about the new wife ?
    On a scale of 1 to 10...........................she is a 4 at best (physically).....................mentally, I give her a 1 or a 2.
    That's not hot, that's freezing a$$ cold! lol

  12. #12

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    One of my good friends has a wife like that. She cracks a whip and he jumps. It's unbelievable. I don't know how he puts up with it. The strange thing is, he's a really smart guy and otherwise a leader in his field. It's so strange that he lets her boss him around like that.

    Sorry to hear about the band issues. Indeed it can be very frustrating, especially when you get everything dialed in.
    - Tom

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  13. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricardo View Post
    I assume you are asking about the new wife ?
    On a scale of 1 to 10...........................she is a 4 at best (physically).....................mentally, I give her a 1 or a 2.
    Have a little mercy Ricky, my dog is a 5 and a 3.

  14. #14

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    On a positive note it's the bass player, unless the guy is the next Geddy Lee should be fairly easy to find a replacement.

    About the wife, there's this little thing I learned called "he who cares the least" if your wife/girlfriend is being a possessive controlling (bad word here) , you have to act like you don't give a crap. You just don't care what she thinks and you're going to do what you want. If she doesn't like it she can take a hike. 95% of the time this works and she will end up treating you like a king. The other 5% she leaves so I guess it really works 100% of the time.
    Last edited by NPYYZ; 05-08-2017 at 06:28 AM.

  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by drummer View Post
    One of my good friends has a wife like that. She cracks a whip and he jumps. It's unbelievable. It's so strange that he lets her boss him around like that.
    Sorry to hear about the band issues. Indeed it can be very frustrating, especially when you get everything dialed in.
    True................we had just finished a very good performance...............and it was well-received.
    This guy comes to practice completely prepared and that was always good enough for me; other than that, he is not a good person.

    Quote Originally Posted by rickthedrummer View Post
    Have a little mercy Ricky, my dog is a 5 and a 3.
    The lady is a psycho...................incredibly and obviously insecure.................that alone creates an unattractive person.

    Quote Originally Posted by NPYYZ View Post
    About the wife, there's this little thing I learned called "he who cares the least" if your wife/girlfriend is being a possessive controlling (bad word here) , you have to act like you don't give a crap. You just don't care what she thinks and you're going to do what you want. If she doesn't like it she can take a hike. 95% of the time this works and she will end up treating you like a king. The other 5% she leaves so I guess it really works 100% of the time.
    Great logic; I like your formula.........................too late for my bass-playing-redneck.
    Last edited by Ricardo; 05-08-2017 at 08:17 AM.
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
    (What Else Would I Ever Need ?)


  16. #16

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    Wow, sorry to hear this. I hope you find someone quickly that can pick up the gigs, and, understand what being in a band is all about. Good luck with it.

    Oh, and congrats on the great gig. Let's not forget that part!

  17. #17

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    I was married to Sybil so I know all too well about nut jobs. She hated what I did, but liked the money.

  18. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by Texdrumr View Post
    Wow, sorry to hear this. I hope you find someone quickly that can pick up the gigs, and, understand what being in a band is all about. Good luck with it. Oh, and congrats on the great gig. Let's not forget that part!
    Thank you Tex -- it really was a fantastic gig.
    We four remaining band members are meeting tomorrow night to look at our options (and to cuss at the quitter).

    Quote Originally Posted by rickthedrummer View Post
    She hated what I did, but liked the money.
    LOL...................yes, of course.
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
    (What Else Would I Ever Need ?)


  19. #19

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    Ah, geez. Boy do I know about this.....

    If it happens like it is for me, you'll end up being better off. We got rid of a decent guitarist and less than mediocre keyboardist and have acquire two very good guitarists. First rehearsal last week with just running through whatever songs we all "thought" we knew, produced a tighter product with actual leads that exist with out any undue effort.

    We are looking forward to this Wednesday when we really sit down and put the show together.

    Confidentially, I shouldn't admit this but I'm already getting tired of the drama and am half tempted to just walk away.

    If this is how the music situation is in my area, (been out of it for 4+ years) maybe I don't want back in.

    I dunno. Going to give this a try and if it doesn't pan out I may be done gigging.
    Signature here

  20. #20

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    Bish there is time in your drumming life where you ask the same question should " I quit gigging or not" I answered that question 35 years ago. Did not want to go through life with the BS that you and so many have with bands.
    Keep on drumming and have fun doing it.

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  21. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bish View Post
    Ah, geez. Boy do I know about this.....

    If it happens like it is for me, you'll end up being better off. We got rid of a decent guitarist and less than mediocre keyboardist and have acquire two very good guitarists. First rehearsal last week with just running through whatever songs we all "thought" we knew, produced a tighter product with actual leads that exist with out any undue effort.

    We are looking forward to this Wednesday when we really sit down and put the show together.

    Confidentially, I shouldn't admit this but I'm already getting tired of the drama and am half tempted to just walk away.

    If this is how the music situation is in my area, (been out of it for 4+ years) maybe I don't want back in.

    I dunno. Going to give this a try and if it doesn't pan out I may be done gigging.
    Being in a band has ALWAYS been a PIA. Now, 10 years ago, 20 years ago, etc. I remember someone saying "If you're in a band, you're always breaking up". It's part of the deal. I think I said this in another thread.........You have to really want to be a part of a band and gig cuz it ain't easy. When the scales tip in favor of the BS as opposed to the fun..................then it prolly is time to pack it in. Tough call.

  22. #22

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bish View Post
    Ah, geez. Boy do I know about this.....

    If it happens like it is for me, you'll end up being better off. We got rid of a decent guitarist and less than mediocre keyboardist and have acquire two very good guitarists. First rehearsal last week with just running through whatever songs we all "thought" we knew, produced a tighter product with actual leads that exist with out any undue effort.

    We are looking forward to this Wednesday when we really sit down and put the show together.

    Confidentially, I shouldn't admit this but I'm already getting tired of the drama and am half tempted to just walk away.

    If this is how the music situation is in my area, (been out of it for 4+ years) maybe I don't want back in.

    I dunno. Going to give this a try and if it doesn't pan out I may be done gigging.
    Quote Originally Posted by Pearl MCX Man View Post
    Bish there is time in your drumming life where you ask the same question should " I quit gigging or not" I answered that question 35 years ago. Did not want to go through life with the BS that you and so many have with bands.
    Quote Originally Posted by inthpktplayer View Post
    Being in a band has ALWAYS been a PIA. Now, 10 years ago, 20 years ago, etc. I remember someone saying "If you're in a band, you're always breaking up". It's part of the deal. I think I said this in another thread.........You have to really want to be a part of a band and gig cuz it ain't easy. When the scales tip in favor of the BS as opposed to the fun..................then it prolly is time to pack it in. Tough call.
    All three of you guys are correct......................at some point we all face THAT SAME QUESTION.
    Other than the guy that just quit, the people in this band are good folks.............not difficult with which to get along.
    The guy that quit is a good bass player, but more importantly, he is also the strongest vocalist in the band.............so the replacement is not just anyone.

    Because this is a very successful band and it is still 75% intact, we want to try to keep the momentum going.
    And -- confessing the truth -- at our age, this could be the last shot at playing in a good band................the youngest member is mid-50s.
    I would hate to try and start over at this time.

    I asked myself the "quit gigging" question in 1998...............at that time, I had been in the same band for 12 years and I was sick of the late nights and smoky bars.
    Even more-so, I was really growing tired of a certain guitar player in that band that had trouble getting along with anyone and everyone.................he was a talented guitarist/vocalist, but his negative attitude toward life overshadowed his talent.................he thought he had all the answers, if you know what I mean.
    I also had a young daughter that was deserving of more of my time.
    For the following years, I was very happy doing occasional studio work and not worrying about bands and gigs.

    I got back into a gigging band 5 years ago at the request of a guitarist I worked with at some of the studio gigs.
    That first band was very good but had little demand (southern rock - all originals)...............we opened for national touring acts and an occasional club.............not enough work to keep any of us happy.
    Then I got a call to come try the cover band I'm in now -- the rules were simple -- every song in the set-list had to be FUN................and it still works quite well.
    The lead vocalist is an attractive female and she is very good as long as the songs are in her range...............the two (excellent) guitarists also sing well.
    So if we can replace the bass & vocal guy, we can continue....................that is the first priority option.
    If we can't do that, I don't know what to expect.
    Last edited by Ricardo; 05-09-2017 at 08:32 AM.
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
    (What Else Would I Ever Need ?)


  23. #23

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    Replacing bass player should be easy. Replacing a bass player that is a strong vocalist is difficult. Good luck.
    Last edited by inthpktplayer; 05-10-2017 at 06:50 AM.

  24. #24

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    We had our first prospect come over to the rehearsal studio last night..............I've seen video of him and he is very fluid at both (high tenor) vocals and bass.
    We didn't play any music because we were more interested in communicating the concept/mission of our band and it's rapidly aging components.
    This guy could fit -- maybe fit well -- we gave him a list of approximately 70 songs and asked him to choose some for next Tuesday night.
    He looked it over and told us his choices of eight songs and said he would return....................I'm looking forward to hearing him................and us.
    He seems ambitious and very interested -- it would be lucky to replace a bassist/vocalist with the first guy in less than 10 days.
    But -- like I said -- this is a good band and there are people standing in line to play with us.
    We have the next gig in eight weeks....................could work out for all of us.
    Last edited by Ricardo; 05-10-2017 at 08:00 AM.
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
    (What Else Would I Ever Need ?)


  25. #25

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    Sounds like it may work out...........good luck brother

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