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Thread: How would you handle this?

  1. #1

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    Default How would you handle this?

    So I posted a couple of months ago that I auditioned for a band and was given the gig. I have thought that it has been going well, but the lead singer (who writes all of the songs that we do) keeps saying that he is worried members are going to run off and leave him hanging. Over the past few practices he has cornered me and another member up asking if we are sure we want to do this, or if we can do this.

    Additionally he saw a youtube video of me playing at a local jam with some friends, and asks me why am I with him when I should be with the other group of guys I jam with. (They have a drummer. I'm not him.) On top of this, he is having a lot of slip ups on songs he's been singing for years. The music is coming together, but at times the vocals struggle. I have tried to let it roll like water off of a duck, but I'm beginning to get tired of being asked why am I there, if I'm going to stay around, or if I'm sure I want to do this.

    I spoke with the bass player who helped to get me into the band. He's been a part of the band for several years, and he knew I was frustrated after yesterday's practice. I told him I'm tired of being asked if I'm going to stick around and if I want to do this. I've put in hours of practice learning the songs, and I don't want to be a butthole, but I'm sick of being questioned. I'm beginning to wonder if the lead singer really wants me there or not. It's almost as if he is hinting that he wants me gone. The bass player said he isn't sure what the deal is, but that even he doesn't think the singer is putting forth full effort, almost as if he is the one who really doesn't want to do it, but he just wont come out and say it.

    I'm wanting to talk to the guy, but I need to get my thoughts in order first. One wrong word could send me packing down the road because of the frustration I have with the situation. With that being said, I believe this band has chemistry, and could be something special, but some of this stuff is beginning to get to me.
    Six Piece Mapex Saturn V, Five Piece DW Performance Series, NOS Slingerland Snares, Centent Ardor and Emperor Cymbals


  2. #2

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    You've obviously already invested a lot of time and energy. I suppose the best thing to do is ask the guy straight up. Explain to him what you just said to us...and let him explain himself. That way, if something is not right, you don't waste anymore time and energy. If the guys is just insecure or caught up in mind games, then who wants to deal with that anyway. Get it all out on the table and get everyone focused on the goal. No drama & no games!
    -Brian

    "Too many crappy used drum stuff to list"

    Play the SONG......not the DRUMS!!!

    "I think that feeling is a lot more important than technique. It's all very well doing a triple paradiddle - but who's going to know you've done it? If you play technically you sound like everybody else. It's being original that counts." ~ John Bonham

  3. #3

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    Default Re: How would you handle this?

    Just go with the flow mate....try to ignore the singers insecurities until it comes to a head....he's the one with the problem not you, if you're enjoying it just keep your head down and it will hopefully all blow over....good luck

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stoney View Post
    Just go with the flow mate....try to ignore the singers insecurities until it comes to a head....he's the one with the problem not you, if you're enjoying it just keep your head down and it will hopefully all blow over....good luck
    Yeah I agree with Stoney, seems like he is the one having issues. I know it sounds easy and some times I catch myself doing the exact same thing but until someone actually says something directly to you there is no sense in trying to figure out what they really meant by this or that. That kind of stuff just adds stress to your life, I would recommend continue doing what your doing, Next time he asks just laugh and say I love this, I have no plans on going anywhere bud how about you? Or what I try to do if it is really bothering me, just ask him point blank, "why do you keep asking me that? do you have something you want to say?
    Last edited by MDK; 07-24-2017 at 04:30 AM.
    Ludwig Classic Maple 22x16,10x8,12x9,16x16
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    Decide whether this is love for the craft or simply an ego thing

    http://www.redskymary.com/ NOT MY BAND, JUST A GREAT LOCAL BAND WHO SHOULD BE SOOO MUCH BIGGER IMO

  5. #5

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    Open communication usually resolves things......one way or the other.......not always the way you want it.......but, resolved nonetheless. Letting things simmer does nobody any good. One other thing.........if what you're doing is not enjoyable......why do it???

  6. #6

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    I spoke with the bass player, and we are going to call a meeting before our next practice. He has some things to say as well. One thing is we are close to gig ready, so we want to work up a set list and begin practicing as if we are playing a show. Secondly, we want to assure him that we aren't going anywhere. We enjoy the band, and think we have something. The lead singer has been burned in the past, and he probably is scared to death of it happening again. We just want to reassure him we are in this for the long haul, but also make sure that he is in it for the long haul as well.
    Six Piece Mapex Saturn V, Five Piece DW Performance Series, NOS Slingerland Snares, Centent Ardor and Emperor Cymbals


  7. #7

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    I think it is smart of you to have every member in on the conversation.....................transparency, etc.
    I would reply with something open ended such as..............."you have asked this more than once; what is your concern ?"
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
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  8. #8

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    Dealing with musicians is like walking into a minefield. You're dealing with the most temperamental, sometimes totally insecure, sometimes totally arrogant, sometimes completely self-absorbed, and always treat mistakes as if it's someone else's fault, and last, but certainly not least, think they are the greatest thing since the flush toilet.

    The cure: Get a come-along, attach it to their neck, preferably with a noose, and pull their head out of their butt. Once that is done, tie them to a pole right in front of a Abrams tank and tell him/her that they have 30 seconds to resolve their problem.

    That usually works except on guitar players. They require 1 minute because they 1st have to figure out what their problem is, accept the fact that they really have 1, and finally, have to figure out what a Abrams is, and understand that 61 seconds is too long for the other musicians to wait.

    We only had to do that once.............................................. .................it worked!

  9. #9

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    Sounds like a good plan to me. If the singer has been burned before, he needs to get over it mentally...or it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Most of us have been in relationships with people like that. It can make it impossible for them to maintain anything that requires trust.

    And.....Rick is right about musicians, as usual.
    -Brian

    "Too many crappy used drum stuff to list"

    Play the SONG......not the DRUMS!!!

    "I think that feeling is a lot more important than technique. It's all very well doing a triple paradiddle - but who's going to know you've done it? If you play technically you sound like everybody else. It's being original that counts." ~ John Bonham

  10. #10

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    Default Re: How would you handle this?

    Quote Originally Posted by N2Bluz View Post
    Sounds like a good plan to me. If the singer has been burned before, he needs to get over it mentally...or it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Most of us have been in relationships with people like that. It can make it impossible for them to maintain anything that requires trust.

    And.....Rick is right about musicians, as usual.
    Brian, if I start with my 1st band in 1961, I've dealt with musicians for 45 years up to 2005.

    Since then it's been: Free at last, free at last, thank G-O-D ALMIGHTY, I'm free at last.

  11. #11

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    The question is;
    Are lead singers considered "musicians" if all they do is sing? (Slapping a tambourine out-of-time doesn't count as playing an instrument)
    -Brian

    "Too many crappy used drum stuff to list"

    Play the SONG......not the DRUMS!!!

    "I think that feeling is a lot more important than technique. It's all very well doing a triple paradiddle - but who's going to know you've done it? If you play technically you sound like everybody else. It's being original that counts." ~ John Bonham

  12. #12

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    According to the encyclopedia, they are considered road kill.

  13. #13

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    My opinion is pretty much the same as everyone else's, don't leave it till the point when your frustration with his insecurity makes you snap at him and you end up ranting..., try to discuss it openly in a calm rational manner, make it clear you are committed to the project but being repeatedly questioned about your commitment is making you insecure and you are starting to get the feeling that maybe some of the guys are thinking of replacing you.

    If you start the discussion by saying I'M feeling insecure, rather than expressing your opinion of his failings then this may help him save face and avoid the situation escalating.
    Last edited by crispycritters; 07-25-2017 at 08:08 AM. Reason: Spolling mishteaks

  14. #14

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    "a calm rational manner,"

    This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is where the problem will be. UN Peacekeepers is always a option.

  15. #15

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    Sounds like security issues... darn singers

  16. #16

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    So it's been three weeks since our last practice. We were supposed to practice today, but it was canceled at the last minute. I'm not sure where this thing is headed, but honestly am beginning to feel myself drift away. I know u have to work the next two or three weekends, so thst will make it nearly a month and a half between practices.
    Six Piece Mapex Saturn V, Five Piece DW Performance Series, NOS Slingerland Snares, Centent Ardor and Emperor Cymbals


  17. #17

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    UPDATE: We all sat down and hashed everything out. We all agree things are coming together quickly, and we have something that could work. Practice resumes next week. We have some shows to get ready for!
    Six Piece Mapex Saturn V, Five Piece DW Performance Series, NOS Slingerland Snares, Centent Ardor and Emperor Cymbals


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