A. "Because someone threw a fridge at him."Originally Posted by crazymanwithaplunger
I love it because it makes no sense. That and...
Q."What is Big, Yellow, and can't swim?"
A "A Bulldozer."
A. "Because someone threw a fridge at him."Originally Posted by crazymanwithaplunger
I love it because it makes no sense. That and...
Q."What is Big, Yellow, and can't swim?"
A "A Bulldozer."
"What consumes your mind, controls your life" - So, what consumes your mind?
Knock Knock
Who's there
Orange
Orange Who?
Orange ya glad I'm not OJ? - (Simpson)
Serve The Song, Not The Ego - NEP
Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh.
Heartland Rocks!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=EK9opsMo0jg
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my
wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.
"The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my
wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife
look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, blue
eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter
top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
Very!Originally Posted by Roaddebris
Originally Posted by drum_chick
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
When we do right, no one remembers. When we do wrong, no one forgets.
Originally Posted by XJ99
I don't know which one I like more - drum chicks or XJ's.....
"What consumes your mind, controls your life" - So, what consumes your mind?
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary
said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals.
It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word
"'fascinate.'" Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the
Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." The teacher said,
"Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate.'" Little Billy raised his hand. The
teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for is bad language. She finally
decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called
on him. Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs
are so big she can only fasten 8."
OK one more LOL If this offends anyone I'm sorry but I just had to post it because I just struck me funny...... LOLOLOLOL
A woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up. Her first
husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus,
she couldn't find a new lover who could satisfy her sexually, so she put an
ad in the classifieds:
Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won't beat me, won't leave me, and is
good in bed.
About a week later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door to find a man
with no arms and legs on her front porch.
"I'm here about your ad," he says.
"You must be mistaken," she says.
"Let me explain," he says. "I can't beat you, I don't have any arms.
And I can't run away because I don't have any legs."
"But," she asks, "How do I know you're good in bed?"
"I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Okay okay...
(kinda lengthy, forgive me)
A middle aged New Yorker is fed up with the noise, crime, and pollution in the city. He decides that moving away would be the best desicion.
He moves to a nearly deserted land, far from civilization and completely neighborless for the next 60-70 miles.
The man has lived here for about five months now and grows tired of solitude and lonliness. As he read a book in his living room he heard a knock at his front door and proceeded to answer.
"Howdy!" Says a lanky redneck in overalls and a straw hat. "I'm your neighbor fom a few miles down the road."
The man had excitement in his eyes. "Gosh! It's been such a long time since I've seen anyone, so nice to meet you!"
The redneck shook his hand and shuffled his feet. "Say, I'z been figurin' bout havin' m'self a lil get together at my place next week, wonder if you'd feel like comin'?"
"Sweet a party! That would be so rad. I haven't gotten out in so long."
"Swell, I'll be a sendin' you an invitation then. Take care!" The redneck started to walk away and turned around to speak, "Well, I must warn ya', there could be some heavy drinkin'."
The man shook his head and said, "That's alright, I haven't had a good drink in a while."
"Well I should also warn ya', there could be some fightin'. S'that alright with you?"
"I'm a pretty unconfrontational guy, I should be fine."
"Swell, swell. Hmmm, there may also be some wild sex. I'm a partier by nature *chuckle*"
"Well hey man, nothing wrong with that right? I haven't been with a women in years!"
They shook hands once more and the redneck began to walk away. The man shouted for him as quick as he could for a final question, "Say, what should I wear to this party?"
The redneck giggled and replied, "Won't matter much, jus' gon' be the two of us."
www.myspace.com/maudeephyfe
The good times won't roll themselves
Gretsch Renown Maple, Paiste Signature, Reflector, and Dark Energy
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout: "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!!" Neighbours feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrances that took place in their neighbourhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig, I had him buried upside down."
My kinda woman!!
Originally Posted by drum_chick
When we do right, no one remembers. When we do wrong, no one forgets.
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