What's in "a bag"?

[Texdrumr]

Tell me your opinion here.

So, I've put my name out there to audition. This past Friday I hooked up with two locals that are working on a new project of putting together a band. All original music with similar tastes in genre.

I drive to the lead guy's house and we have about 30 minutes before the bassist arrives. All is going extremely well. We hit it off instantly and I am really thinking this could be a great opportunity and an ideal situation.

The bassist arrives. And within ten minutes starts talking about being late because he had to meet someone and pick up "a bag". I'm thinking, "a bag"? What?

And...then it hits me. Well, he talked quite a bit along these lines through out the jam session. Like, constantly.

So back to the jam session. These two are amazing together. They've played a long time together and are really linked up. The night ends, they tell me I'm exactly what they are looking for - yadda, yadda, yadda.

I get home and sent the lead guy an email and said thanks but no thanks. I gently explained that I was not comfortable around this type of stuff and specifically wanted to be comfortable with my wife and two daughters hanging out with "the band" sometime.

Anyway, I'm telling a buddy about this today and I think he thinks I'm crazy. He really down played this guys behaviour like it wasn't that big of a deal.

Seriously? Was I really raised so sheltered that this is more common place than I realize?

For the record...I'm not going back, period. My convictions are my convictions. What's your opinion?

Randy

[DrumRookie]

Your convictions were right. You did the right thing, no matter how tempting it could have been, it's good that you did what you did. I really look up to people that have the self-control and courage to do that.
It's everywhere. People my age just think it's "harmless". It's really sad.
I would let the leader of the band know your concerns about his bassists condition, and all that stuff.
And it's a possibility that he could use some of the gig money for his habits, I've heard of it happen before.
And if any of that stuff happens to be on your property, even if it was from him, you run the risk of being arrested (I'm not sure on the details, but apparently thats what can happen).

[signia fan]

If it bothers you, don't do it, are you that insecure you need us to tell you how to behave? Drugs are commonplace in our world, in my business, they don't mix and I don't condone or applaud it, but it exists, so you need to be comfortable with your self and how you deal with it, it wont be the last time.

[DrumRookie]

If it bothers you, don't do it, are you that insecure you need us to tell you how to behave? Drugs are commonplace in our world, in my business, they don't mix and I don't condone or applaud it, but it exists, so you need to be comfortable with your self and how you deal with it, it wont be the last time.

Are you saying illegal narcotics are ok?

[Texdrumr]

If it bothers you, don't do it, are you that insecure you need us to tell you how to behave? Drugs are commonplace in our world, in my business, they don't mix and I don't condone or applaud it, but it exists, so you need to be comfortable with your self and how you deal with it, it wont be the last time.

Did you even read my post? Specifically the last part? I asked for opinions, not for advice.

Randy

[almostmatt1]

I think that it's not possible to despise drugs more than i do. I would say if thats around, get out of there. That's what i'd do, anyway.

[Constinator25]

Drugs arent good in a family setting. Thats a given. Your decision is yours to make, although I dont necessarily agree with you. Drugs are common in the music industry, and if your career is music you are GUARANTEED to run into them. If I were in your shoes I would have joined, knowing that I have the self control to not partake. And again Im not trying to convince you otherwise, its just that my opinions of drugs different. My personal belief (that I share with many people) is that if they dont endanger people other than the user, then they should be legal. setting a leaf on fire for personal entertainment should be your choice, not the government's.

[creepshow]

You gotta do what you feel is right for you. I am a teetotaler myself; have never smoked, drank, or done drugs. I played in bands for 10+ years in bars, with lots of drinking around. Not much drugs, but there would be the odd bit of weed sometimes. Also, the guitar player in one of the bands smoked like a chimney. I realized early on that being in the music business I was going to be around a lot of this. Thankfully it was rarely really bad, but that's what happens. If you are in the music biz you will encounter this. It bugged me a bit at times, but I enjoyed playing with the guys far more than the other stuff bothered me.

Basically, if you are uncomfortable with it, you made the right decision. If you do ever encounter it again, maybe you could talk to the guys and ask them if they could refrain from doing it around you too much. Or at least not bring any around if they are going to be around your family. If they are good guys and you all play together well and have good chemistry, hopefully they will be willing to make that bit of sacrifice for you to keep things together. Also, if the band is really enjoyable, you might want to try to not let it bother you too much. You might need a bit of give and take from both sides.

I personally wish that we didn't have to deal with that stuff, but sadly, it's tough to avoid. I hope that you will be able to find a group of musicians who aren't into that stuff. Actually, I hope I that will too!

[Tin Toad]

Im one of those that questions the reasoning behind some things being legal and some things not. I personally have no problems( i dont partake) with it but if it gets in the way its got to go. I would say it got in the way before you ever even met the guy. I probably would not have made the same decision you did but in the long run Im betting that I would have wish I did. if the guy is 30 minutes late to meeting a new drummer how much respect does that show you and how is his timing going to be for other things like .. .. shows/paying gigs?..

and as for my opinion your decision and your reasons seem perfectly sound to me, way to stick to your convictions.

[2gsmackfans]

hey texdrmr
I appreciate how you feel. but me I smoked weed when I was a whole lot younger so if somebody does I dont really care .so if you enjoyed the music you guys made then I would'nt let it stop me from being in the band. I would tell him just don't smoke it around my family cause thats not cool and he should respect that. and then if he has a problem with that then he is someone you don't need around you. hope this helps

[itchie]

in these situations you go with your gut and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that

i feel you may have lost a good opportunity to play music and any conflicts should have been resolved rather than completely backing out , this is bound to happen with any band

i hope you find some people you connect with tex

[Kazaamski]

I feel you Tex. I have backed out of a bunch of situations due to others being into drugs. If someone else wants to do it, great. I'm not gonna rat them out. But, that stuff doesn't jive with me and how I live my life.

[Redeye]

Excessive drinking and pot are fairly commonplace in the local music circles I've been involved in. Pills are also popping up with more frequency. I generally don't have a problem unless someone fires up at rehearsal or a gig. Even then, it's not always a disaster. I also am confidant in my ability to resist anything I deem hazardous. I am also single. I wouldn't expose yourself to anything you aren't comfortable with, and judging by your surprise, you probably did the right thing. You will certainly run into it again if you play in the bar-band scene.

[Northern Redneck]

Are you saying illegal narcotics are ok?

Thats not what he said at all. He said drugs are a reality in the music business. Not every musician does them, but they are out there. You have to decide for yourself how you are going to deal with those situations.

[2slow]

Im one of those that questions the reasoning behind some things being legal and some things not. I personally have no problems( i dont partake) with it but if it gets in the way its got to go. I would say it got in the way before you ever even met the guy. I probably would not have made the same decision you did but in the long run Im betting that I would have wish I did. if the guy is 30 minutes late to meeting a new drummer how much respect does that show you and how is his timing going to be for other things like .. .. shows/paying gigs?..

and as for my opinion your decision and your reasons seem perfectly sound to me, way to stick to your convictions.

+1 well said Tin Toad

[weezy]

If you're really that uncomfortable with the bass player smoking some cannabis, then you made the right choice. I'd be more tweaked about the guy not being able to show up on time. It's your choice. Good luck finding something else.

[NPYYZ]

Personally I wold have spoke up right then and there and asked exactly what this "Bag" was. Was it Coke ? Heroin? Speed? or was it just weed? If the guy is doing hard drugs then I'd want no part of it, but if he was just getting a bag of weed, I wouldn't have an Issue. I'd be a lot less inclined to work with someone who drinks alcohol then someone who smokes weed. I've never met a high A-Hole , but I've met many drunk ones. I also agree with the others that said they be more concerned that they guy could be respectful enough to show up on time.

[kyle102565]

the least he could have done is had it delivered so he could make rehearsal on time.
why he had to broadcast his desire for weed is beyond me.

[Constinator25]

Personally I wold have spoke up right then and there and asked exactly what this "Bag" was. Was it Coke ? Heroin? Speed? or was it just weed? If the guy is doing hard drugs then I'd want no part of it, but if he was just getting a bag of weed, I wouldn't have an Issue. I'd be a lot less inclined to work with someone who drinks alcohol then someone who smokes weed. I've never met a high A-Hole , but I've met many drunk ones. I also agree with the others that said they be more concerned that they guy could be respectful enough to show up on time.

LOL true, alcohol seems to be much more dangerous than weed. I agree with all dat^^^

[drummer]

... are you that insecure you need us to tell you how to behave?

Sig, that is not a diplomatic post. Please think about how you say things before you say it.

[drummer]

Seriously? Was I really raised so sheltered that this is more common place than I realize?

It sounds like it. Drugs (especially pot) are "very" commonplace in our industry. They're not always in your face or announced like that but more often than not, they're there.

I've been in hundreds of bands through the years. Alcohol was a part of most of the bands I was in. Pot was around in at least half of them. Sometimes it was hidden and not talked about and in others it was no big secret.

When I started playing music as a teenager I didn't do any of it. My high school friends drank and smoked pot but I didn't. I was raised that if you're around temptation, you're more likely to cave so I had a strong conviction to my belief and intuition that they weren't good for you and never did it. Eventually I gave into alcohol. There were always fans buying the band drinks and there were always bartenders giving them to you, etc. It's a way of life more than not. I got caught up in it and was on my way to becoming an alcoholic like a lot of my friends are now. I was drinking more and more. I was playing drinking games with the bar staff at the end of many nights and so on. After a little while of this I just woke up and realized that I was heading down a dark road and this would be my chance to bail. I did an about face and just stopped altogether. Best decision I ever made and I think it saved my life.

Pot was another thing. For some reason, I had more strength to resist. That said, I did experiment a number of times. After awhile, you get tired of being that one guy that "wasn't cool". Well anyway, in my mind it was much more evil than alcohol so it was easier to resist (for me anyway). I think it helped that it was illegal. More than anything I just wasn't educated. I couldn't see back then how much more dangerous alcohol was than pot. That said, I'm not condoning pot. It's no better for you than cigarettes or alcohol.

I was offered cocaine in one band. I declined. I was offered mushrooms in another. I declined. I was offered pot several hundreds of times through the years. I declined all but a few times that I experimented. One band was doing cocaine and harder drugs every night. I quit them when I found out. One band I was in, the band got busted and the piano player and sound guy were found to have drugs on him. I almost went to jail that night even though I had no part of it.

The bottom line is this: No matter how strong you think you are, the more you are tempted, the more you are likely to give in to temptation. It is human nature. I was one of the strongest people around and it got to me too eventually. So I respect those that decide to simply go another direction rather than play with fire.

[Texdrumr]

One band I was in, the band got busted and the piano player and sound guy were found to have drugs on him. I almost went to jail that night even though I had no part of it.

This is exactly why I ran from the band. The 'ideal' situation (ideal in my mind) IS out there. I know it is.

[drummer]

Well Tex, I believe that's the exception to the rule. If I were you, and I know you're not asking for advice, like NYP said, I would find out what the bag was. More importantly, I'd sit down with the leader and ask them what goes on and tell him what you're feelings are and where you stand. I'm a big believer in open communication. It solves everything. If you were to do this, you would be better informed overall. It could be that some other members aren't crazy about it either and you could start a change in the group, which would also allow you to feel more comfortable playing with them. There are no guarantees but it wouldn't hurt to try would it?

[kyle102565]

Well Tex, I believe that's the exception to the rule. If I were you, and I know you're not asking for advice, like NYP said, I would find out what the bag was. More importantly, I'd sit down with the leader and ask them what goes on and tell him what you're feelings are and where you stand. I'm a big believer in open communication. It solves everything. If you were to do this, you would be better informed overall. It could be that some other members aren't crazy about it either and you could start a change in the group, which would also allow you to feel more comfortable playing with them. There are no guarantees but it wouldn't hurt to try would it?

well put, dont throw the baby out with the bathwater.
so they smoke pot, thats their choice. perhaps telling them you dont want to hear about it, smell it or see it will be enough. are they druggies or musicians?
i have a new project waiting to get going for the holiday bar-band scene.
they dont smoke, yet i do. the 2 streams will never intertwine. what i do in my own home in my own time is my business, when they jam at my house they dont smell it or see it. the lead singer/guitarist doesnt do it, nor the bass player, they dont care what i do other than keep the beat.
in closing noones ever stolen grandmas silver to score a bag-o-weed.
coke, heroin or speed or any variations of such are a dealbreaker. i dont hang with the likes nor do i allow them into my home.
i dont look down on those that abstain, dont look down on me for my choices.
be it bar bands or big names sellin out Wembley theres someone backstage that thinks it 4:20
by the way im facing glaucoma in the future, it helps with the eye pressure.

[Russ]

I didn't notice the bass player or band members actually say there were actual drugs in the 'bag'. The way you worded it, it sounded for the most part an anonymous item that they did not discuss, and you were more concerned with them telling you how they wanted the band to be. From reading the OP, it sounds like you don't want to be in a band with control freaks, which is understandable as we all have creative control differences from time to time.