Son has lost the love

[buster]

Hi.My 11 year old son has lost his love of the drums.He has been playing since he was 6 and has just passed his Rockschool grade 8.I think he got that bored with doing grades he's now lost his love of playing.Anyone else either been through this or know what I can do to get him back interested?
It would be such a shame if he didn't carry on, because I think he will regret it later on in life and when he did used to play he was quite good.
Thanks in advance.
Buster.

[Lucius-Borich-JR]

I felt this way until I discovered rudiments and heavy metal. I don't like Doing grading I'm only grade 4. And yet I am still able to play most megadeth songs and lots of Slipknot. Get your son into playing some songs, if he is grade 8 then he should have plenty of technique. Get him into some advanced songs. What music does he like??? I started writing my own songs and solos maybe he would like doing that.

[Drumbledore]

Hi.My 11 year old son has lost his love of the drums.He has been playing since he was 6 and has just passed his Rockschool grade 8.I think he got that bored with doing grades he's now lost his love of playing.Anyone else either been through this or know what I can do to get him back interested?
It would be such a shame if he didn't carry on, because I think he will regret it later on in life and when he did used to play he was quite good.
Thanks in advance.
Buster.

Has he only been going to the one teacher? If the teacher's only been putting him through technique (as evidenced by the fact that your son's been passing Rockschool grades), and not opening him up to learning songs, expanding his mind and applying it, maybe encouraging him to try playing in bands, then maybe going to a teacher that can get him enthused about playing and having fun with it may 'break the logjam', so to speak.

As a teacher myself, I can fully understand the situation. The hardest thing is to maintain that 'spark' that makes your students want to come to lessons time and time again. Fortunate thing is that I'm a pretty enthusiastic type in the first place, and that enthusiasm rubs off onto my students. Sure, I have a sense of discipline and structure when teaching, but I also tell my guys and girls "Hey, ask me any question about drumming whilst you're at it during a lesson...I'm sure I'll have an answer for you." That way, it never becomes just me telling them what to do and how to do it....we get a conversation going. Sometimes I'll teach songs, sometimes it will be rudiments and techniques, but sometimes we'll do something like "ok, see if you can pull apart that drumset and put it back together again", or I'll show them how you can change sounds on an acoustic or electronic set. Or I get them to come around at a time away from lessons and watch in their free time how I repair and maintain stuff like cymbal cleaning, put new fittings on drums, re-tap screws and nuts, etc at a workbench. Or I'll photocopy an article from a drum mag about their favourite drummer and give it to them as a surprise. Things like that, that's how I keep that enthusiasm in them going.

[kyle102565]

just talk with him about it
if he doesnt want to play anymore, let it go.
my dad forced golf on me as a kid, i liked playing just didnt like the way he tried to change my stance, swing, followthrough etc. So much that i walked off the course and never returned.
i have no regrets.
give him the opportunity to play his kit for the next 6 months, if he never touches them sell them.

[Howzit]

Has he only been going to the one teacher? If the teacher's only been putting him through technique (as evidenced by the fact that your son's been passing Rockschool grades), and not opening him up to learning songs, expanding his mind and applying it, maybe encouraging him to try playing in bands, then maybe going to a teacher that can get him enthused about playing and having fun with it may 'break the logjam', so to speak. ...

My daughter used to love to go to guitar lessons when she was 10 as her teacher was a young guy who let her pick the songs she wanted to learn. When he moved across town she went to a new guy that was all about technique and wanted her to learn the classics. She soon rebelled and stopped alltogether. At 14 she asked me to buy her an electric guitar and started playing again.

Hi.My 11 year old son has lost his love of the drums.He has been playing since he was 6 and has just passed his Rockschool grade 8.I think he got that bored with doing grades he's now lost his love of playing.Anyone else either been through this or know what I can do to get him back interested?...

It's called puberty. My 12 year old son is all over the place now with his piano and bass. He just wants to rock out when he wants to on what he wants to. He's been banging on my 7 year olds "new" week old drums and is having a ball. Maybe your son's "lessons" now should consist of jam sessions? Speak to his teacher.

[Russ]

It's starting to feel too much like work and school, and less about fun, music and jamming is my guess. He has to want to be a drummer and play above all else, but perhaps giving him a new way of drumming would help. If it's about grades and such, make it about practicing at home or in a band without the pressure. Then again, some people just need a break from things sometimes to help them breathe a bit. That's really all you can do, you can show him the way but he must choose to walk the path.

[Digital]

My parents had my sign up for piano lessons. All the other kids in the class got to play, while I was stuck having to learn theory. It felt like I was in school and I hated it. I just wanted to play the darn thing. Didn't take very long until my eyes glazed over and I dropped out. The same can apply to any instrument. Once the fun part is taken out of the equation, what's the point?

[Pearl MCX Man]

It's probably just a phaze that he is going through you know at that age you make alot of changes and your priority are different. He will probably get back in it once he finds that the girls like drummers LOL. He has 6 years of drumming under his belt so I think that he will go back into it maybe in a year or so after taking a break from it.

[mikkeydee]

gotta show him more youtube videos....

[buster]

Thanks a lot for your advice.We are looking into getting a new teacher who comes well recommended and makes the lessons fun.
Will keep you updated.Crossed fingers.

[ntn2it]

My son started playing piano when he was about 5 years old. His mom pushed him every day to play for 15-20 minutes. He went to two lessons per week and really had a great "feel" for it after a couple of years. I always felt that she pushed him too much, too soon. At about 9 years old, he was playing music that no other kid in his group was able to play and it was amazing to watch him and listen to the way he played. I loved it, but felt that the end was near as the fire just wasn't there for him. When he was 10, he wouldn't even touch a piano anymore.

He started playing the clarinet in 6th grade and picked that instrument up very quickly, but soon became bored with it as well. He now plays a flute and is 1st chair in his freshman high school band. Once in a while he will sit down at the piano and easily play wonderfully.

I guess the point to my story is to just let him be a kid. You gave him quite an early and lengthy education that he will have forever. Maybe it's time to throw a guitar or saxophone in his hands and let him try that. I think that as long as kids get some form of musical education, they will become much more well rounded than their non-musical friends. Who knows, maybe after trying a few other challenges he just might come full circle and jump back on the drums. Sometimes we, as parents, try to guide our kids into doing something that we think they will enjoy. We lose sight of the fact that this is really their decision. It empowers them and they like that feeling (especially when we have to yell at them about dang near everything else under the sun. ) Give him some options, and keep an open mind. It will all work out.

[trickg]

I wouldn't look at it as an all or nothing kind of thing. People burn out on things from time to time and taking a break from those things is not always a bad thing. I know that in my time as a musician since the day I started playing trumpet at age 11, I've gone through burnout a couple of times. There was a time where the only thing I could imagine doing was to play trumpet, but when I left the Army brand program in 1999, I was pretty burnt out on music in general. My horn didn't come out of the case for a year and a half. I started playing again because a friend asked me to sub a one-set big band job - that was in April of 2001, and I got pretty heavily involved playing trumpet again up until recently when things went south with the wedding band I'd been gigging with for the last 10 years. I haven't touched my horn since mid October, and at the moment all of my time and effort in my musical endeavors is all with playing drums. At this point I don't know if I'll ever play trumpet again, but I'm certainly not going to get rid of my horns just yet - who knows what's around the corner?

The kid is 11 - I didn't start on an instrument until I was 11, so there is definitely time for him to pick it back up. It could be he just wants to be a regular boy doing regular boy things - running around with friends, playing backyard football/baseball/soccer/etc, watching some tube - that kind of thing.

In a way this makes me think of my son a bit. He's 17 and a pretty talented guitar player, and yet he has no desire to gig, and his efforts toward playing guitar wax and wane. To give you an idea of where he is, he's into progressive and alternative rock, and he's capable to the point where he can pretty much play the entire "Tool" catalog, the entire "System of a Down" catalog, and he plays other stuff from other bands, depending on the whim he's on at the time - Disturbed, Killswitch, Meshugga, Chevelle, Foo Fighters, Chili Peppers, etc, etc - when I say he plays this stuff, he doesn't just play at it, he PLAYS it - it sounds right when he plays it. But, he's completely content to play along to the stereo in his room. He has no desire to join up with any kind of a band, and I think it's such a shame and a waste, and especially when he goes for periods of time where he hardly plays at all, and he's into some other endeavor - he's kind of a comic book nut, and he's also a pro-level Halo gamer. He also has a girlfriend and he has a job, so sometimes he won't really play guitar much at all. I have no idea what the future holds for him where music is concerned. He definitely has the talent, but he just doesn't have the drive that I had that put me into the Army band program right out of high school and that has kept me gigging for over 20 years.

In any case, I understand what you are saying - I'd really like for my son get serious with it, but that has to be his choice - I can't make him play guitar or join bands. That all has to be on him.

[longgun]

just talk with him about it
if he doesnt want to play anymore, let it go.
my dad forced golf on me as a kid, i liked playing just didnt like the way he tried to change my stance, swing, followthrough etc. So much that i walked off the course and never returned.
i have no regrets.
give him the opportunity to play his kit for the next 6 months, if he never touches them sell them.

+1...don't force it

[MDK]

He may need to just start playing with other people if he is not already. Do you play an instrument? if not maybe if you can try to learn a little about drumming even if your not serious about it and keep asking him questions and let him help you out. This will most likely get his juices flowing again..If it's all about lessons all the time it can get real boring.

[Roboginger]

I would think he most likely will start playing again, if not playing drums he will pick up a different Instrument.

[doctor dirt]

Offer him something new and exciting! I don't know what rock grades are but it sounds horrible. Try getting him into some music that has a groove not just a rock beat. If he can find a genre that has a flow to it the approach to playing drums changes dramaticly. If I had to play rock tunes for 50 years I would have been bored out of my mind. Get a new teacher and introduce new concepts then if he passes you offered him an opportunity to haul around a bunch of cans for his life!!! Ungratfull kid!!! Ha!!!! If he comes back to it later in his life he'll thank you for his early intro. As long as its not elec. drum pads, that would hurt me terribly. Doc

[Lucius-Borich-JR]

My parents had my sign up for piano lessons. All the other kids in the class got to play, while I was stuck having to learn theory. It felt like I was in school and I hated it. I just wanted to play the darn thing. Didn't take very long until my eyes glazed over and I dropped out. The same can apply to any instrument. Once the fun part is taken out of the equation, what's the point?

This is what my parents have now done. I'm not failing theory, I'm getting B's but my parents still bought me a piano that I haven't touched in months.

[jafo]

I think there is alot of good comments here. Didn't read through all of them so sorry if it's already been said but encouragment from parents and a parents enthusiasm towards thier kids success is important. It sometimes gets lost with the age gap.

When he's playing, take the time to go in and sit down and listen to him play, what ever it is he's playing. Just showing interest in what he's doing is just as big as saying it because your devoting the time to him and his playing. It shows it means something to you. Been on the opposite end of that several times, thats why I left the guitar behind when I was his age.

Playing to songs is just plain fun. He should be good enough to learn songs. It's a blast once you get going on it. It also breaks up the mundain of practicing the same stuff all the time. Play to music songs. Changing teachers sound like a good deal too.

Then there is the kid factor. Most kids are "flighty", and go from one thing to another quite frequently whether you know it or not.

[itchie]

sounds to me like a short break (4-6 months) could be the key

drums isn't something you can unlearn easily

[kay-gee]

Music is, as far as I'm concerned, like many other endeavors in life, completely up to the individual. Often times young people start right out of the gate with a knack for music or athletics but do not follow through with it. It has always been that way.
My advice would be...be encouraging but not pushy! Let it follow its natural course.

all the best...

[MartyM]

Buster, how many "live" bands have you taken him to see..i mean full blown group playing at a venue? I remember as a young drummer seeing good drummers playing and it just made me want to practice and play more..Teachers and videos are OK, but your son seeing the reaction of a crowd....priceless!

[buster]

Have taken him to see quite a few bands,and he has come out buzzing.There's definately something musical in there.So like people have advised i'm going to see how he goes on with a new teacher, and hope he finds the love again.

[rickthedrummer]

I agree, to a point, with almost everything that has been said.

At the same time, I think the best thing you can do is to leave him alone. Don't even mention the drums.

He has played for quite a while so it isn't like if they aren't talked about, he's going to forget all about them.

I've had periods where I had to get away from them for a while. If the love of playing doesn't come back, there really isn't much you can do about it, but I doubt if that's going to happen.

Just give him time, he will sort it out.

[Russ]

I think you should take the teacher out of the equation completely, if his school/lessons are what created his frustrations in the first place. Like mentioned before let him just be for awhile, but maybe supply him with some lesson books and dvd's(drumbum has some great ones for ideas) in the meantime. That way he can learn on his own terms, and teach himself at his own pace and remove all the pressure and work he may have felt before.

[Dad3353]

Leave him be. Help him with things he does want to do. It'll all come out in the wash (might take a couple of decades, but what's the hurry..?). You have your life to live; he has his.