This approach has always worked for me when I lived in the city. Communication is the key and it sounds as if you've given it the 'ol "college try" by approaching her mother. It sounds as if the situation would escalate if you tried to apporach her with using 'practice pads'. They do work but playing them in lieu of a real drum is a drummer's choice.
Were you going to offer her mom a set of practice pads or are you going to merely suggest she use one? I hate to say this but since communication didn't work and you were theatened, it's time to call you local law enforcement agency and ask about the sound ordinances in your area. Some cities have noise ordinances where there's an actual decibal level where the noise cannot exceed. A noise abatement complaint usually forces the agency to come out to the location with a decibal meter to measure the levels outside from the street.
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