I've found keeping dynamics in mind will help a lot.
Pull back a little and don't power through everything you play. (Not judging since I've never heard you but many people who play drums beat them instead of play them.) You'll find many places you play will also complain about being too loud.
You do bring up a good point about the band being used to E-Drums. I don't like Hot-rod (sticks). They don't give you the same feel.
A big part of being the percussionist is being able to play with the music. I totally concentrate on being quiet especially during vocal lines.
Again, it gets back to dynamics. You should be able to play "less loud" when needed.
Good luck with the new project.
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