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Thread: Because I am a Woman

  1. #1

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    Default Because I am a Woman

    Because I am a woman I am different from a man. We may look like the same species, but there are different "rules" for each of us.

    Because I am a woman, I need to spend 20 minutes outlining my lips before I put on lipstick. Even though you say I have a big mouth, my lips are too thin. My hair is too flat/curly/dark/light/wavy. Whatever my hair looks like, I want it to be the opposite. My eyes are too small, and my skin is too blotchy. Thus, all of the time I spend in the bathroom getting ready to go out is an essential part of my routine. I need all this makeup so that other women will think I am naturally pretty.

    Because I am a woman, I will get up at 6:30 in the morning to go shopping if the store is having a sale. It doesn't matter that I don't need any new clothes, they are on SALE. Besides, I have three kinds of clothes in my closet. There are "fat" clothes for my PMS days, "dressy" clothes for the dancing I keep asking you to take me, and "thin" clothes that I will never get into again without liposuction. I will, however, keep all the "thin" clothes, because tomorrow I am going on a diet. Therefore I need exercise clothes too. It takes a lot of shopping to fill up so much closet space.

    Because I am a woman, I need many shoes. I need work shoes, dress shoes, three kinds of athletic shoes, sandals, slippers, open-toed shoes. I need high-heeled shoes, mid-heeled shoes, low-heeled shoes, flats, and boots. I need shoes in every color of the rainbow to match my extensive wardrobe (see above).

    Because I am a woman I will get annoyed if you come to me and announce that there is no food in the house. In all likelihood there is plenty of food. I am not falling for the trick and making you a sandwich. However, I will stand in front of my full closet and complain that I have nothing to wear. This is not the same thing.

    Because I am a woman, I will spend hours on the phone with my friends. Even if I just saw my best friend today, I need to call and tell her who is on Oprah. Especially if it is Tom Cruise.

    Because I am a woman I will talk about you to my friends. We will discuss your underwear, your bathroom habits, and your childhood. However, if you even mention my middle name to your friends I will be angry.

    Because I am a woman, I need to talk about "the relationship". I think about "the relationship" far more than you do. I will pick the worst possible time ( 2 minutes left in Game 7 of the NBA playoffs) and tell you, "Honey, we need to talk". If you ask to wait until the game is over, you will find yourself sleeping on the couch.

    Because I am a woman, I will have mood swings. PMS is a medical condition. So, when I scream at you and call you an SOB, and then cry and want to cuddle within an hour, I am not crazy. I am a woman.

    Because I am a woman, I have strange eating habits. I will order only salad on our first date, and lobster after we are married. I will buy candy bars and wash them down with diet soda. I will put artificial sweetener in my double mocha latte. And any food eaten while cooking does not count as food.

    Because I am a woman, I expect to have "girls night out" once in awhile. If you want to go bowling with the boys, I will pout and ask why you don't want to be with me. I will then assume that there is a problem with "the relationship" and will want to talk about it before you leave.

    ================================================== ======
    Women! What a pain-in-the-arse! LOL Seriously, this is not me, but it is every woman I know.......How yall do it I have no idea..... God Bless ya

  2. #2

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    Soooooo true
    "What consumes your mind, controls your life" - So, what consumes your mind?

  3. #3
    Shazane Guest

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    In my opinion...

    Girls look ALOT better in their natural state, not made into some fake person by makeup. These kinds of products were invented in the middle ages to rip off upper class women by convincing them they were ugly, somehow it is still extorting women today. They are much more interesting when dressed like an individual and not exactly like everyone else. And they are far more attractive and way more interesting when they are confident about themselves and not going on and on about all this "I'm fat" crap, most girls who think they're fat arent in the slightest, it's rediculous.

    This is a statement for many of your gender, not you, I don't know you.

  4. #4

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    That was funny DC!

  5. #5

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    Honestly,
    I never had the impression men and women were the same species lol.
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  6. #6

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    some angry guy must have written this

  7. #7

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    DC, that was awesome!! And VERY funny!!
    Quoting gonefishin: Just have some bacon with ya when you go pick her up..........youre an instant chick magnet.





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  8. #8

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    wait i thought men were one alien race and wemon were another and were just some kids sience project to see what happens when you mix the two?
    no seriously were the same creatures? you gotta be kidding.
    play till the day i die. it makes more sense that way.

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  9. #9

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    "Because I am a woman, I will have mood swings. PMS is a medical condition. So, when I scream at you and call you an SOB, and then cry and want to cuddle within an hour, I am not crazy. I am a woman"

    It makes perfect sense now! LOL

    Nicely done DC!
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