It all comes down to stick control. You have to 'control' the sticks. You can literally use any sticking pattern (even singles!) and simply go from loud to very soft. The more you practice things dynamically, the more you will start to gain more stick control. When you really start controlling the sticks (dynamics), your ghost strokes will be dead on.
I use an exercise where I take my right hand and play R r R r R r ... over and again for like 5 minutes. Then I do the same with my left and keep alternating. It's easy to play those loud strokes (capital R's) but much more difficult at first to play those very quite notes (lower case r's).
As Jedi said, just keep practicing!
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