When is it time to leave a band?

[slinky]

That would get old really, really fast.

I hear that. One band I was in would practice so much even when we had nothing going on. It was a drag sometimes to even go. Another thing that becomes a drag is when someone in a band starts demanding other people to do certain things or accusing people of not doing enough. Some people don't have personable skills. One sure way to drive a band into the ground, start making it personal with the personnel.

[rickthedrummer]

I hear that. One band I was in would practice so much even when we had nothing going on. It was a drag sometimes to even go. Another thing that becomes a drag is when someone in a band starts demanding other people to do certain things or accusing people of not doing enough. Some people don't have personable skills. One sure way to drive a band into the ground, start making it personal with the personnel.

Slinks right. I've been there, no fun, didn't want the Tee shirt.

[MDK]

I hear that. One band I was in would practice so much even when we had nothing going on. It was a drag sometimes to even go. Another thing that becomes a drag is when someone in a band starts demanding other people to do certain things or accusing people of not doing enough. Some people don't have personable skills. One sure way to drive a band into the ground, start making it personal with the personnel.

Yeah I agree to a point but you have to be true to your feelings, if someone's not pulling their weight or is not as committed and it bothers you enough you really need to say it rather than letting it slide. Say it and if it does not change you should move on to players who are more inline with what you want to do.

I am very close to this situation with my current band now, great guys but everyone's committment to the band is wayyyyyyy below mine and it is starting to effect me, great guys otherwise but I am finding myself making snide comments now and really need to do something before I become that guy you mention.

[N2Bluz]

Here's a few tales about the Bass player we fired a year ago. Rather humorous looking back on it.

We practiced at his house...the rest of us would travel 30 miles one way to attend practice once per week, for 3hrs.....but he would complain about how much it cost him for extra toilet paper, water and electricity usage to have all of us over for practice. He actually asked an extra $15 per gig to cover his expenses. I told him that I spent almost $80 per month on gas to attend practice, so anytime he wanted to move practice to my place, I was more than willing. I finally started leaving a quarter on the back of his toilet every time I used his bathroom, LOL.

He would never drive his own vehicle to a gig. He always rode with someone else, but never kicked in for gas money. He refused to drive at night, and if it was during the day, his trucks (he had 2) were always broke down.

If we had an outdoor party, gig or jam, he would steal beer out of everyone else's cooler. If we played in a bar, he would bring his own cooler of beer from home and sneak it in on stage (serious violation of liquor laws).

He would insist on being involved in booking all the gigs, because he was "the only one who knows how to deal with bar owners"....but he never once booked a single gig. In fact, he would be such a jerk to them that they would ask me "what his problem was". He used to tell me he counted how many beers the bartender served while we were playing and he knew exactly how much money they made, LOL.

If someone else booked a gig, he would complain the entire night about how we should have charged more, how bad the crowd was....anything he could think of. Once, when I negotiated free drinks for the band, he even accused the bar owner of serving him "old out of date" beer.

Once, after a gig, I was tearing down and packing up my drums. Everyone else (except him) was loading up the PA system and equipment. He walked up to me, holding a beer, and said in a condescending tone, "If you want any help loading your drum stuff, you better hurry up". I replied with a few choice words, LOL.

The worst was his constant criticism of everyone in the band. We all put up with it for a couple years. Deep down, he was actually a good guy. There were times when he could be a great friend. He had a big heart and we all liked him...even though he was a pain 95% of the time. He knew that, and would admit it all the time. We all wrote him off as just being a grumpy old jerk with no social skills. It finally got to the point where we realized we had gone as far as we could with him. We could never get anywhere as a band as long as he was a part of it....so we fired him.

[TerryV81]

I am very close to this situation with my current band now, great guys but everyone's committment to the band is wayyyyyyy below mine and it is starting to effect me, great guys otherwise but I am finding myself making snide comments now and really need to do something before I become that guy you mention.

Exact same spot unfortunately.

[jgziegler]

Usually other band members dont't like that but I'm also seriously considering this option for next year.

I would suggest you take on another project. My main project has really strange priorities (similar to your situation in some ways) so I decided to branch out and joined another project. Then last month I joined yet another project. No complaints from any of them so far.

If your first band complains, just explain to them that you feel that band has a level of commitment that allows you to join another project. If they disagree, they will have to show how much time is needed for that band, and prove they do that themselves. If there isn't an issue, you can maybe move on to better things, or at least something different.

Never forget, you're a drummer, along with singers we are the hardest position to fill. It's not like a guitarist can switch to drums as they could to bass in a pinch.

[rickthedrummer]

JG had a lot of good points, but, you don't want a reputation as someone who will just jump from 1 band to another.

OR

You could find yourself in a position where you are in 2 bands that are both good and working hard to get somewhere. Sooner or later there will be a conflict where both bands are booked for the same night.

You could get someone to sit in for you but how do you choose which band you play with and who gets the sub who probably won't play the songs as well as you do and now you have to deal with a pi$$ed off group of musicians who may start to look for someone to replace you.

Find 1 band that's on the same page with you and commit to them. You will be better off in the long run.

[kay-gee]

Here's a few tales about the Bass player we fired a year ago. Rather humorous looking back on it.

We practiced at his house...the rest of us would travel 30 miles one way to attend practice once per week, for 3hrs.....but he would complain about how much it cost him for extra toilet paper, water and electricity usage to have all of us over for practice. He actually asked an extra $15 per gig to cover his expenses. I told him that I spent almost $80 per month on gas to attend practice, so anytime he wanted to move practice to my place, I was more than willing. I finally started leaving a quarter on the back of his toilet every time I used his bathroom, LOL.

He would never drive his own vehicle to a gig. He always rode with someone else, but never kicked in for gas money. He refused to drive at night, and if it was during the day, his trucks (he had 2) were always broke down.

If we had an outdoor party, gig or jam, he would steal beer out of everyone else's cooler. If we played in a bar, he would bring his own cooler of beer from home and sneak it in on stage (serious violation of liquor laws).

He would insist on being involved in booking all the gigs, because he was "the only one who knows how to deal with bar owners"....but he never once booked a single gig. In fact, he would be such a jerk to them that they would ask me "what his problem was". He used to tell me he counted how many beers the bartender served while we were playing and he knew exactly how much money they made, LOL.

If someone else booked a gig, he would complain the entire night about how we should have charged more, how bad the crowd was....anything he could think of. Once, when I negotiated free drinks for the band, he even accused the bar owner of serving him "old out of date" beer.

Once, after a gig, I was tearing down and packing up my drums. Everyone else (except him) was loading up the PA system and equipment. He walked up to me, holding a beer, and said in a condescending tone, "If you want any help loading your drum stuff, you better hurry up". I replied with a few choice words, LOL.

The worst was his constant criticism of everyone in the band. We all put up with it for a couple years. Deep down, he was actually a good guy. There were times when he could be a great friend. He had a big heart and we all liked him...even though he was a pain 95% of the time. He knew that, and would admit it all the time. We all wrote him off as just being a grumpy old jerk with no social skills. It finally got to the point where we realized we had gone as far as we could with him. We could never get anywhere as a band as long as he was a part of it....so we fired him.

Now we need a thread on how the actual firing is done.

all the best...

[rickthedrummer]

"Now we need a thread on how the actual firing is done."


Kay Gee, it's done like this..........."You are gone" ..........end of conversation.

There isn't time to sit around and debate the obvious. We had to deal with someone who everybody liked, was a very good musician, and liked smack.

We were a working band with gigs lined up. We had about a month to find someone, bring them up to speed, and hope he was as committed as he said he was. Thankfully he was and was with us for almost 30 years.

[jgraham798]

also my wife fell pregnant

Ouch! As many times as my wife has fallen, I'm glad it didn't make her pregnant. Two kids were enough and if she got pregnant when she fell, 50 would have been too much! hehehehe

Sorry for the hijack and my sorry dry sense of humor.....It just tickled me when I read that.

:-) Take care!

[MDK]

Exact same spot unfortunately.

I just joined another group, they do not play out yet as they cannot seem to find the right drummer (in their words). I played once with em last week and they wrote me and want me to join full time right after the new year. They all seem pretty committed and gave me a list of 20 songs to work on over the holidays, 5 of them I picked so they have some stuff to work on as well.

1st impression of them was good and even if they do not ever play out it gives me something else to do and work on while my other band is coming up with excuses for cancelling rehearsals and never contacting each other till the last minute.

[EddieV]

I understand 8Beat's position.

Then there's my group...that gigs 3, 4 sometimes 5 nights in a week and has been since we formed in 2008.

When and if we have an opening in the band....we get people beating down our doors (all in other bands) to play with us. We don't even have to say anything, or post an ad, make an announcement etc..NOTHING. The Word gets out that someone is leaving and BOOM.... our Facebook page is full of PM's from people looking to join us - or asking for an audition.

More often than not...it's simply a rumor that goes around and we're NOT actually looking for someone. It happens 2 or 3 times a year. Dunno why. People talk and spread rumors.

...but WE get the criticism from some as the band that steals members from other bands. Mostly from guys or "band leaders" that don't play out much.



Some guys (like me..and maybe Late8) want to gig more often.

I never understood the guys that like to practice and rehearse more than gigging. Doesn't make sense to me.

[N2Bluz]

Now we need a thread on how the actual firing is done.

all the best...

In our case, it was a little tricky. The guy was "hell on wheels" when he was younger and had an explosive temper. He mellowed with age, but we still didn't trust him. We kept all the equipment and instruments at his house, so we were afraid he would throw everything out on the curb (which he threatened to do to the last guy that quit the band). We waited until after a gig, then everyone took their own stuff home with them. We were going to all meet at his house the next day and tell him respectfully, face-to-face, as a group. Unfortunately, he knew something was up.....(not the first time he was fired from a band). He called my brother the next day, and after a short interrogation, my brother just told him we were moving on as a band without him. It still bothers me that it happened that way, but he did it to himself.

[inthpktplayer]

I understand Late8's position.

Then there's my group...that gigs 3, 4 sometimes 5 nights in a week and has been since we formed in 2008.

When and if we have an opening in the band....we get people beating down our doors (all in other bands) to play with us. We don't even have to say anything, or post an ad, make an announcement etc..NOTHING. The Word gets out that someone is leaving and BOOM.... our Facebook page is full of PM's from people looking to join us - or asking for an audition.

More often than not...it's simply a rumor that goes around and we're NOT actually looking for someone. It happens 2 or 3 times a year. Dunno why. People talk and spread rumors.

...but WE get the criticism from some as the band that steals members from other bands. Mostly from guys or "band leaders" that don't play out much.



Some guys (like me..and maybe Late8) want to gig more often.

I never understood the guys that like to practice and rehearse more than gigging. Doesn't make sense to me.

Did something get deleted or did I miss something. late8 doesn't have a post on this thread.

[EddieV]

Did something get deleted or did I miss something. late8 doesn't have a post on this thread.

Yeah...my bad. I meant 8Beat.

*Edited

[BonzaiTree]

It's always been my experience that most musicians are a lazy lot.

If a couple members are driven, they can pick up the slack and lead the way but inevitably, they will become the "bad guys".

If only one member has a good work ethic, it aint gonna happen.

If a band mate is getting drunk and talking **** at a gig, it's over.

Yeah the last two points are what made me decide I was done 100%.

I can be lazy at times too if others aren't as motivated as I am--I learned early on in my cover band that the singer and rhythm guitarist will pick up a song, be super excited about us learning it--then learn it half arsed and then forget about it/suddenly decide they don't want to play it two weeks later after the rest of us have learned it. So after that happening repeatedly, I decided screw it--I'm not learning songs ahead of time when we drop them half the time or no one else learns them. So I listen to it once, and jam my way through it. It's all simple 4/4 rock so it's really easy to fake/go by memory of how the song goes.


Not the case with my new band--I think it's safe to finally call it a band now, as we set a goal of February to start playing out. Everyone is motivated and learning stuff--though I was a little disappointed to learn I've put in a lot more work to the songs than the others. Oh well, at this point we are still on the same path and it's a busy time of year. But I've been learning songs note for note and having a blast doing it.

And it's probably the main reason why they don't make the scene to my opinion. It's always easier to blame the lack of success on the industry, the public, not having enough time, another band member, etc.

^ this!

Those guys were definitely "basement rockstars". They liked the dream but didn't actually want to put in the work. Better to think "we just need to be discovered, we deserve to be stars!" when it's completely unrealistic and undeserved. Before I joined, they had previously paid to play "showcases" where apparently people from record labels would be. Just a scam to get bands to PAY to fill a club. I flat out refused to do that when I joined and heard about it.

I'll do some charity gigs for free, whatever. But I would never drive 3 hours and then pay on top of that to play at a club/bar!!! What the heck....

[late8]

Very timely thread. I started a new band three months ago. Two of the guys (bass player and lead singer) read charts and lyrics from a binder. We gave them two months to memorize the chords and lyrics to a very short list of classic rock songs. Practice was once a week in my buddy's professional recording studio (owner of the studio was the keyboard player in the band). Both guys never bothered to learn any of the music. They came to practice unrehearsed. I quit last week...what a waste of time.

[8beat]

Yeah...my bad. I meant 8Beat.

I'm in here. Post # 22.

[8beat]

Very timely thread. I started a new band three months ago.

Wow it's Late8! We've been wondering what happened to you, since we haven't seen your posts in a while. Are you OK?