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Thread: In a quandry

  1. #1

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    Default In a quandry

    I'm hoping my drum brethren can help me find clarity here. Once again I find myself in band drama. I and two bandmates left my last band due to a husband\wife situation where the wife was a terrible singer and the husband couldn't kick her out. The three of us found a phenomenal singer and started a new band. After a number of iterations, we arrived at a solid line up and have been gigging occasionally. We have been received well for the most part, and our vocals have garnered the most praise. A growing problem has been with the guitarists, the two members who came from me from the original band. Guitarist 1 is a talented, seasoned player who knows a lot of songs from a certain era (60s-70s). His problem is that he doesn't want to put in the work to learn new songs or really perfect the lead parts on songs in general. He is content to practice once a week, gig once a month, and rarely pick up the guitar otherwise. He also complains that we have too much gear and take to long to set up. He always asks can we leave the subwoofer at home or can't you get a smaller drum kit(mind you I gig with a bare minimum 4 or 5 piece kit with 3 cymbals and a hi hat). The bass player and singer are tired of him coming to practice unprepared and even worse, embarrassing us at gigs when he flubs a lead on a song we've been playing for a year and a half then makes a face that broadcasts it to the audience. Guitarist 2 has much less ability and has been mostly playing rhythm on acoustic, but guitarist 1 has been letting him take on more lead parts, seemingly because he doesn't want to bother. This leads to even more embarrassment on stage when guitarist 2 has to begin a song and is standing there trying to remember it while the rest of the band and the audience are waiting. The last gig was the last straw for the singer and bass player. They both had musician friends in the audience who asked them what they are doing playing with those 2 guys. Coincidentally, the bass player's friend, a phenomenal guitarist, singer and dynamic frontman called him and said he was forming a new band and if he wasn't happy in the present situation he should bring me and the singer over to his band, to which he would add keys and be up and running after 2-3 rehearsals. This band would play similar material, but have more of the uptempo contemporary and dance music that guitarist 1 doesn't want to play, which would get us better gigs and more money. This band would also be much less of a burden on me. I wouldn't have to hustle for gigs, be the sound man, organize the set lists, etc. I would just be the drummer and occasional singer. This is a big step up in the expected level of professionalism however. Now I have played a jam with this guitarist so he knows my work and that's why he wants me, and the bass player has talked up my commitment and work ethic. This band would gig more frequently, but would practice weekly after the first month or so, so the time commitment is about the same. I am intrigued by the challenge and would love to be part of a band that blows people away. I am torn though because the guitarists are my friends and I work with one of them. But they brought this on themselves and the singer and bassist are leaving, so if I don't go I'll have no band and I don't want to start over. I would hope they'd understand it's nothing personal and it's an opportunity i can't pass up.
    What do you guys all think?


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  2. #2

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    Default Re: In a quandry

    Go with the new band nubdrummer! Guitarist #1 sound like he's burned out. Don't let friendships stand in the way of your progress moving forward.

  3. #3

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    wow that's a rough time there!

    You know honestly I would just scrap it all and start all over fresh to be honest.
    To many forest fires to control and the bridges are starting to light...
    19pc Yamaha Maple Custom Vintage | 12pc PDP X7 | 9pc Ludwig Jr. | 8pc Pork Pie ZebraWood | 6pc Sonor | 5pc Orbitone |4pc Sonor Martini | 5pc Gretsch Energy | 41 Snare drums and growing!

  4. #4

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    you do what you gotta do!

    all the best...

  5. #5

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    I would definitely take the step up.
    Guitarist #1 no longer matters; guitarist #2 will be bummed but he will understand after you simply tell him the truth.
    You won't regret it.
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
    (What Else Would I Ever Need ?)


  6. #6

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    I have been in your situation before. I would do it.

  7. #7

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    If any situation says husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, get thee butt as far away as you can. Been there, done that, lived to tell the tale.

    Probably the safe way to go is to find 3-4 people that have been neutered or spayed. Their mind should be strictly on music after that.

  8. #8

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    If you stay then you're screwed - guitar 1 just wants to go through the motions but isn't willing to put in any work or commit. guitar 2 is lacking experience.

    I'd apologise to guitar 2 but explain that as things are you and bass are moving on, not his fault etc, but neither are willing to continue with the band as is. As for guitar 1 - bollocks to him.

    If you've been friends for ages, well - he may sulk for a while, but he'll probably get over it as most friends do. If he doesn't - the phrase bollocks to him springs to mind.

    Move on while you have the opportunity. Sticking in your current situation sounds like an exercise in frustration that will only end badly, sometimes cutting your losses is the only option.

  9. #9

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    i was in a band with my gf (at that time) many years ago. It was ok sometimes.
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  10. #10

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    Not a difficult decision whatsoever. New band. Wish every decision was that easy.

  11. #11

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    I was recalling your question last night while I was at home woodshedding and thinking of my own band context:

    My current band includes two guitar players, one of which is incredibly talented but lazy...................he does not properly put in the time woodshedding.
    Just think how good he could be if he would put out a little more effort.
    He also blows off doing the necessary work for any upcoming gig until the last minute -- this means the rest of us (who actually do prepare in a timely fashion) go to practice and watch him go through learning phrases that he should have done on his own time.
    Just think how good he could be if he would put out a little more effort................and maybe the band could improve a bit along the way.

    The other guitar player is very competent and is willing to woodshed to make the songs sound great..................I make sure I compliment and thank him for his efforts as often as needed.
    Whenever I get new ideas for cool guitar parts, I take them to guitarist #2.
    None of my band problems are going to break up the band -- they are simply annoyances.

    Every band has such problems.................but apparently, your guitarist is beyond help.
    As such............it is time for you to move on and take the opportunity that is in front of you.
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
    (What Else Would I Ever Need ?)


  12. #12

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    Two words: do it.

    There's nothing about the potential new band that isn't better than the old band. Guitarist 1 has a bad attitude and Guitarist 2 doesn't have the chops. Staying where you are is only going to get more frustrating.
    Mmm... Saturns.

  13. #13

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    Here's an update: My wife, who is not a musician, is appalled and extremely angry that I would even consider leaving my friends to join another band. She thinks because it is not my profession, it doesn't matter that this is a great opportunity, you just don't do that to friends. I spoke to Guitarist 1 today and while he doesn't seem angry at me, he is mad at the bass player and his friend, who he says is "raiding the band we've spent all this time getting to this point". I said I don't see it that way. The new guy doesn't expect us to leave the current band, he's just inviting us to join another band. He himself is already in 2 other bands.
    Anyway I don't see how I could join this band and still be able to live at home, so I will quit and continue on with my other band, which coincidentally just auditioned a female singer last night(she was auditioning us as well) and it looks very promising, so at least I'll have one project.


    2017 DW Design 6 piece Tobacco Burst
    Evans, Remo

    2010 Tama Superstars 5 piece Birch BPG
    Evans, Aquarian

    200? Gretsch Catalina Ash 4 piece Black and Silver Sparkle
    Evans

    1980 Slingerland 7 piece Poplar/Maple White
    Evans

    Tama SLP Black Brass

    Yamaha DTX532k

    Alessis Sample Pad

    Tama RoadPro hardware
    Speed Cobra 310 bass pedal
    Camco/Tama bass pedal
    DW5000 double bass pedal

    Zildjian

    13" New Beat High Hats
    14" New Beat High Hats
    14" A Custom High Hats
    6", 8", 10" Fast Splashs
    12" A Custom Splash
    15" A Custom Crash
    15" K Custom Dark Crash
    16" A Fast Crash
    17" A Custom Projection Crash
    18" A Custom Projection Crash
    18" A Rock Crash
    18" China
    18" A Medium Thin Crash
    19" A Rock Crash
    20" A Ride
    20" A Custom Ride

    Miktek, Audix and Shure Mics

  14. #14

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    Time for a new wife??

  15. #15

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    I would leave the current band. If you’re not making money, and not having fun, what’s the point?

    I have no idea how to reconcile with your wife
    "The chances of being attacked and killed by a terrorist are less than the chances of being attacked and killed by your own heart"
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  16. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by nubdrummer View Post
    Here's an update: My wife, who is not a musician, is appalled and extremely angry that I would even consider leaving my friends to join another band. She thinks because it is not my profession, it doesn't matter that this is a great opportunity, you just don't do that to friends. I spoke to Guitarist 1 today and while he doesn't seem angry at me, he is mad at the bass player and his friend, who he says is "raiding the band we've spent all this time getting to this point". I said I don't see it that way. The new guy doesn't expect us to leave the current band, he's just inviting us to join another band. He himself is already in 2 other bands.
    Anyway I don't see how I could join this band and still be able to live at home, so I will quit and continue on with my other band, which coincidentally just auditioned a female singer last night(she was auditioning us as well) and it looks very promising, so at least I'll have one project.
    Your wife is right about it not being your job. That said, why should you carry on in a frustrating situation that isn't how you keep the lights on?
    Mmm... Saturns.

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