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Thread: Time to Leave Band?

  1. #1

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    Default Time to Leave Band?

    I'm playing in a blues band now that is pretty good and I love the music we're playing.

    In general, we all get along pretty well. However, I recruited a bass player 2 years ago that I've played with in other bands. I know how this guy is, so I should have hesitated in recommending him.

    First, he's an awesome bass player. Probably a better musician than I am. His attention to detail is impeccable. However, he's very critical of everyone's playing.

    I've made the best of this, as his opinions and feedback are usually right. But, he's gotten more aggressive in the last year. Between sets at gigs, he herds us all outside and points out each thing that each person screwed up.

    Saturday night we played a gig and after the first set I was feeling really good about the way I played. I'm my worst critic, so if I'm happy it usually means it came out pretty well. He pulled me aside after the first set and asked what was wrong. Am I ok? Said I made many mistakes and wanted to know why, because we've rehearsed so many times. I challenged his accusation and said I thought I played pretty well. He said wait until you hear the recordings and you'll know what I mean. I told him it doesn't really matter because I'm probably ready to leave the band. He said he feels the same way.

    I listened to the recordings and continue to be pleased with my playing that night. Any mistakes made would never be noticed by the audience and sounded like they were part of the song. Just not the very specific way we'd orchestrated a few parts. Truly not a big deal.

    Tomorrow night at rehearsal is going to be a Y in the road for me. One part of me wants to just move on, as I have other band opportunities with prior band mates. I don't want to argue about whether my playing was good or bad. The problem is that I know this is going to happen again. I spoke to our leader and he suggested that we all talk about it. Honestly, I don't want to talk about it.

    I think it's time to move on ....

    Suggestions?
    Sam
    Yamaha Birch Custom Absolute|Tama Starclassic Birch|Tama Starclassic Birch Bubinga (2 kits)|Yamaha Power V|1962 Slingerland |Snares: Sonor S-Class Pro, Yamaha Recording Custom brass, Starphonic aluminum, SLP G-Maple, Tama Fat Spruce, SLP Bubinga, Black Magic

  2. #2

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    Default Re: Time to Leave Band?

    Go with your gut. Especially if you have other opportunities afloat. If you're not happy, you're playing will translate that eventually. Don't wait until that point.
    Signature here

  3. #3

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    Default Re: Time to Leave Band?

    If you think it's time to move on, it's time to move on, Good luck and go start a great band.
    Rick


    Mapex Sabian Ludwig Saluda Assorted Snare Drums

  4. #4

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    Default Re: Time to Leave Band?

    Thanks. My only apprehension is that I love the music we play, and that's usually not the case. I've ended up playing in many bands where the musicians are great, and nice, but I don't like the song list. I tend to put up with that most of the time. Also, this band has lots of really good gigs.

    But, of course none of that matters if I'm miserable ...
    Sam
    Yamaha Birch Custom Absolute|Tama Starclassic Birch|Tama Starclassic Birch Bubinga (2 kits)|Yamaha Power V|1962 Slingerland |Snares: Sonor S-Class Pro, Yamaha Recording Custom brass, Starphonic aluminum, SLP G-Maple, Tama Fat Spruce, SLP Bubinga, Black Magic

  5. #5

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    Default Re: Time to Leave Band?

    Suggest a few new additions to the set list. If the old band is breaking up, there will be new gigging opportunities for you.
    Rick


    Mapex Sabian Ludwig Saluda Assorted Snare Drums

  6. #6

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    Sounds like he needs to be in another band, not you. His standards are higher so he should find a band with more refined, seasoned players. It's really that simple. Otherwise, his nagging is pushing everyone else away. Sounds like he doesn't understand balance.

  7. #7

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    Default Re: Time to Leave Band?

    Quote Originally Posted by drummer View Post
    Sounds like he needs to be in another band, not you. His standards are higher so he should find a band with more refined, seasoned players. It's really that simple. Otherwise, his nagging is pushing everyone else away. Sounds like he doesn't understand balance.
    I agree with Tom's idea here.
    The bass player already said he might move on....
    Go to the meeting with the band to see how it plays out -- could be that the best solution is for the rest of you guys to stick together against the bass-critic.
    I went through this once with a guitarist....the rest of the band decided he was the one we needed to cut out.
    We got a new guitarist who, by surprise, was a better player and he loved the way the rest of us played.
    The band got better was happy for a few years until we lost our singer.
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
    (What Else Would I Ever Need ?)


  8. #8

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    Thanks for all the great advice, everyone.

    Oddly enough, at our rehearsal following that gig, he'd had time to review the recordings and didn't continue his negative comments. He's not shy, that was his way of acknowledging that it wasn't as bad as he thought.

    Still, I'm not happy about this and it's a definitely been a long-term pattern.

    I jammed with some former bandmates last night, and while it was good, I realized how much I prefer my current band. I'm keeping my options open at this point, but hoping to work something out with this bass player. I probably should just have a discussion with him and just address my concerns directly.
    Sam
    Yamaha Birch Custom Absolute|Tama Starclassic Birch|Tama Starclassic Birch Bubinga (2 kits)|Yamaha Power V|1962 Slingerland |Snares: Sonor S-Class Pro, Yamaha Recording Custom brass, Starphonic aluminum, SLP G-Maple, Tama Fat Spruce, SLP Bubinga, Black Magic

  9. #9

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    Default Re: Time to Leave Band?

    Quote Originally Posted by fpmr96a View Post
    Thanks for all the great advice, everyone.

    Oddly enough, at our rehearsal following that gig, he'd had time to review the recordings and didn't continue his negative comments. He's not shy, that was his way of acknowledging that it wasn't as bad as he thought.

    Still, I'm not happy about this and it's a definitely been a long-term pattern.

    I jammed with some former bandmates last night, and while it was good, I realized how much I prefer my current band. I'm keeping my options open at this point, but hoping to work something out with this bass player. I probably should just have a discussion with him and just address my concerns directly.
    Ding, ding, ding, ding. Winner!
    Signature here

  10. #10

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    Default Re: Time to Leave Band?

    OK -- at least he shut up (for now) -- I don't think it is ever a good idea to criticize a bandmate.
    Either you are good enough for this band, or you are not.
    I miss my guitar player (passed away last June) that would always tell you it is OK to make mistakes because he was assured that we are always up there trying our best....I always thought he had the better approach....and....he was the most talented guy in the band....a band of some really good players.
    So -- moral of the story -- your bass guy could use a little diplomacy.
    Gretsch USA & Zildjian
    (What Else Would I Ever Need ?)


  11. #11

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    "I'm not happy about this and it's a definitely been a long-term pattern".

    That sentence told me all I needed to know. Move on!!!
    YOU MESS WITH THE DEVIL YOU KNOW.

    YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE DEVIL YOU DON'T KNOW.

    VAE VICTIS

    ONCE YOU HIT A CERTAIN AGE, YOU BECOME PERMANENTLY UNIMPRESSED BY A LOT OF CRAP.

    I HIT THAT AGE 20 YEARS AGO.

    IF DOGS CAN'T GO TO HEAVEN, I WANT TO GO WHERE THEY GO

    WILL ROGERS

  12. #12

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    Default Re: Time to Leave Band?

    Put a hit of acid in his drink at the next show ... ok maybe not
    RDM/Damage Poets
    UFiP TAMAHA Zildjian
    REGAL TiP
    AQUARIAN

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