Band troubles.. I need help

[Fredr]

Hey all, one of the geetar players in my band just doesnt seem devoted. We've been planning to record for three weeks, and suddenly she can't go because she's made other plans. This is what she said




"My life doesnt depend on the band mike. its great and amazing and i love u guys but i have trouble taking everything so seriously. not like gigs. but fame"


"Atricide cant be my number one priority. i have many other things going for me too. i just cant be as serious until i figure everything else out."

[RHD03]

Well, kind of easy to know which one you are talking about. Here's some things to consider.

You guys are a pretty young band, in age and how long you've been together. Expect some growing pains.

Even though the band needs to be a top priority, it can't always be the ONLY priority. My family obviously comes before my music...and so does my commitment to the military, without that I couldn't provide for my family - which leads back to my first priority. That being said, the fact that you guys have a recording session scheduled and she is now blowing it off(from what you are saying), seems pretty shady to me.

You might need to give her some time to let her decide how devoted she really is to the band. The most important thing in any relationship is communication...this goes for bands too. If she decides that she isn't on the same page as the rest of you, it might be time to start looking for a replacement.

But DO NOT start looking and auditioning other players until then. She could hear about it and that would only make your situation even worse.

I hope it works out for you bro. Remember, bands come and go sometimes...it doesn't mean the end of your music career.

[Larrysperf]

Shes young and she needs time to figure her life out and what is important to her . So give her some space. Nuff said

[Fredr]

It's just so damn frustarting!!

I love the band, you have no idea. She always makes plans over practice. And whever she does go to practice. She always gets mad at us, for no reason

[RHD03]

I love the band, you have no idea.

I think I have an idea bro.

But you guys really do sound like you need to work some things out. Let us know how it goes.

[Norske]

Hey Fred,

You have to remember that sometimes people say things they don't really mean, like if they've just had a bad day, feel stressed out, whatever. I think you should all have a talk at your next practice and lay everything out and see where it goes. My band just did that a couple of weeks ago.

If it doesn't work out, just remember that there's someone else out there that would love to be in your band. Everyone in my band is in their 50's, and have other things going on in their lives too, but we make time for the band because it's our passion - with one notable exception.

We replaced our bass player because he just couldn't find the time to make practices. It's kind of hard to learn new material with one member missing. You can't just show up at a gig, and expect him to be able to play 4-5 songs he hasn't played with us. No matter how much time he works on them at home, the dynamics of playing them with the band are totally different, because we have our own unique style of playing. We talked it out with him, and he understood that he was holding us back, and the discussion went very well. And we all really like him, but sometimes you have to do things you don't really want to in order to make the band better. He was gracious in understanding and bowing out. He also said he would fill in for us any time we might need him, so we parted as friends.

Our new bass player can't wait for practices! His commitment is 110%, so it worked out for us and it will for you too.

Talk it out and see where everyone's head is at and take it from there.

[pastor_bob]

Fred, you've got to understand that for some people, this time in life is very confusing as they try to figure out where the rest of their life is heading. I think it would be best to keep a friend by letting her know that you understand that, otherwise she might get the feeling that you don't really care about her, and she is only in the band in order for you to get what you want. If she has other aspirations in her life that compete with music, she has to be allowed to sort that out if you really care about her as a friend - even if that means that she leaves the band. I understand the security of moving forward with the band that you have known, but we must each follow our own path, wherever it leads, and we must wish each other well.

[Quadcam79]

I'm pretty much going to agree with what the others have said. You're all pretty young and it's great to have big aspirations but it's really tough to have every band member on the same page. It only gets harder as you get older, people have careers, families and a dozen other things going on in thier lives. It takes major devotion on every member of the band to make a career out of it and even then it's a long, tough road, not trying to shatter your dreams or anything but that's just the reality of the music industry.

I suggest you all sit down and talk it out, see where everyone is at right at this moment and find out what they're looking for in the future. Do they want to dedicate thier life to the band, go to college, start a career or a family..etc, etc. Then just go from there and take it day by day because things can change in a heartbeat.

When i was younger my life revolved around bands and we all had plans for being rock stars but my guitarists family moved away, we couldnt really get together anymore and things just kinda fell apart. Then i was in another band and some of us were really dedicated and others just couldnt seem to get it together and again it fell apart.

I'm having a really hard time finding band members now, my wife and I are mid 30's- early 40's and I'm just looking for some people to get together and jam and do some local gigs. Trying to get everyone together in one spot at the same time is even harder than it was when i was a teenager, people just have so much going on.

Anyway, good luck with everything and if it doesnt work out with her start looking for a replacement, guitarists are a dime a dozen , it's just really tough to find a good one with the right personality, skill and aspirations that will fit into your band, keep at it and you'll get it.

[ironfist]

When you have been in bands long enough fred, you will realise that, people will always be on different wave lengths, and some will be more dedicated than others. Some of the lads here have stressed the need for patience, but for my 2 cents worth, from experience , if someone is holding you back, then it has to be bye bye, and look for someone who is more dedicated to the cause. It,s ok for people to say you are a young band, and there is time, but time flies, and if you have aspirations, then there is no time for indecisive people. May be harsh, but that,s the nature of the beast. You can spend ages getting to a certain level, and then the weak link breaks, and you have to start again. Hope it works out for you, cheers

[2slow]

Fred some advice from someone thats been around for a long time....in a word.......CHICKS

[Larrysperf]

Fred some advice from someone thats been around for a long time....in a word.......CHICKS

NUFFSAID

[CycleDude]

Fred some advice from someone thats been around for a long time....in a word.......CHICKS

hahahahaha!!!!!

Fred, seriously man, you guys are all so young. I'd give her the room she needs to grow. Besides, it wont effect the recording too much. Just have the other guy double her track later.

Guitarists are a dime a dozen. Friends are harder to come by. Lose the guitarist and keep the friend, or lose the friend for a guitarist.... see my point?

[Bish]

hahahahaha!!!!!

Guitarists are a dime a dozen. Friends are harder to come by. Lose the guitarist and keep the friend, or lose the friend for a guitarist.... see my point?

I dunno. I see the drummer having the attitude. They're a nickel a dozen. Get a new drummer.

[Dreyven]

I agree with ironfist, I have been in the same situation with a previous band of my own. The best thing we did was to lose the guy slowing us down and move ahead without him, the band became ten times more fun from that point on.

[PHROGGE]

Maybe "new Blood" Will Inspire Yer Band To Da "NEXT Level"!!! They Say Things Happen For A Reason...maybe So...
Good Luck Let Us Know How It Turns Out,,,,

[LagerHead]

Yea, besides, if everyone in the band except her makes it their top priority, then obviously she does not share the same goal as the rest of you. Namely, to become professional musicians, touring the world in front of thousand of screaming fans. Time to find someone who does share that dream.

[bassist learning drums]

Maybe "new Blood" Will Inspire Yer Band To Da "NEXT Level"!!! They Say Things Happen For A Reason...maybe So...
Good Luck Let Us Know How It Turns Out,,,,

Great advice!!!!

Like everyone one agreed, just let her do her own thing. It is hard to lose a band member. She may come back, if so, cool. She may not, if so, cool.

It's too bad she doesn't want to sing. I think it would add a good sound to your band. Maybe if she sings, she may put more effort in. Just a thought.

Good Luck, Fred!

[zzzdanz]

Being in bands can be hard at times.It's like a marriage of sorts.You have to do what's best for the band and apparently she is just gonna slow ya down on what you're trying to achieve.Just have a heart to heart with her and tell her you really whant to keep a good friendship but it's time ya moved on to another guitar player who shares the passion for the music as much as you do.Me and 1 of my guitarists have been playing together for almost 20 yrs...fist fights, hugs, death of a parent, birth of our kids,drunken nites, rehabs, another fight for good measure..But after all that we share the same passion and have the same goals and it works.If your not all on the same page,it won't work.

[Little Roober]

My band just got rid of our old guitarist for a few reasons. Mainly because he always had something better to do, partially because he wanted to play metal and nothing else, and also because he was just a ______. I called up one of my old friends that plays soft rock and acoustic and now the band is going in a totally different direction. I couldn't be happier. If she really isn't devoted, find a new guitarist. Good luck. LR

[ratmycue]

When you have been in bands long enough fred, you will realise that, people will always be on different wave lengths, and some will be more dedicated than others. Some of the lads here have stressed the need for patience, but for my 2 cents worth, from experience , if someone is holding you back, then it has to be bye bye, and look for someone who is more dedicated to the cause. It,s ok for people to say you are a young band, and there is time, but time flies, and if you have aspirations, then there is no time for indecisive people. May be harsh, but that,s the nature of the beast. You can spend ages getting to a certain level, and then the weak link breaks, and you have to start again. Hope it works out for you, cheers

Ditto, cut her loose.
Anyone with with that badge has to know what he's talikng about.
I bet he even slept at a best western last night!!

[Fredr]

We let her go... and don't know if we should get a forth member. What do you guy's think?

[ratmycue]

We let her go... and don't know if we should get a forth member. What do you guy's think?

If the 3 piece grooves then stick with it, There have been some rally solid 3 piece bands. [Please dont everybody mention RUSH!!!!!!]

I think the band needs to visit a barber!!

I just had to add you have a very uncanny resemblence to Jeff Healey,[god rest his soul]