The Lyricist's Corner

[The Chazbo]

Hey guys, thought I might try and revive this thread! There's a few things I've written and not really showed anyone, so I haven't got any feedback telling me whether they were any good or not. So I thought you guys could help me with some honest feedback Here's something I wrote around a year ago as a poem (so no chorus). I really want to put some music to it and see what's its like, but I was wondering what other people thought of it. So here goes...

Counting Down The Days

Counting down the days until I’m finally set free,
Knocking down the barrier that’s keeping you from me.
Running from the very thing that’s keeping me alive,
Hoping that my dreams are all that I need to survive.

Wishing away the hours ‘til I can breathe again,
Thinking of the times we shared every now and then.
Studying the photographs reminding me of you,
Wondering if there was a time that we really knew.

Staring past the chances that I really never took,
Reading into my life as if I’m an open book.
Flicking through the pages all damaged, torn and hurt,
Looking back at my old life to which I never will revert.

Promising myself that I will never lose control,
Picking up the pieces of my heart that you once stole.
Driving out the demons that are coming from within,
Finding out its not over yet, it’s just about to begin.

[Russ]

i call this song man vs. highway, i didn't prepare it and it's not written by anyone else i just saw a blank page and went with it.

(Man Vs. Highway)
on a journey to a place
without prejudice and race
had enough of a mistake,
to earn me a slice of the pretty cake

hearts beat faster than questions
a world that erases your weapons
believe me when i say,
you live to create waste..

(chorus)
infectious people, not here not there
such jealous people, stop the war start to care
believe me when i say..

grab the gourney cause from his tombstone he rises to take his journey
without love without respect he walks on, only the sun gives him a burning
never stops, not till the end when the man can rest

and i wonder if you seen, travelled between
where the man who makes you scream has more or less seen
the value of himself he ponders rightly, he hates that he must devour flesh nightly..

(chorus 2x)
infectious people, not here not there
such jealous people, stop the war start to care
believe me when i say..

(breakdown)
don't look at me, cause i'm not the one who
don't yell at me, cause i didn't tell you
don't think of me, cause i was never beside you..

i'm not the one who, tries to run you
i'm the villain im your enemy, i'll teach the next to turn on you..
i, will only, dissappoint..

[The Chazbo]

Very cool lyrics Russ! Quite powerful too...I sometimes write with a blank page and nothing to go on, then figure out what I'm feeling after I read my words back.

[pastor_bob]

Chazbo and Russ, you both have lyrical talent. Chazbo, your lyrics speak to me as well.

[The Chazbo]

Thank you PB It's nice to receive positive feedback from my work

[l_e_i_g_h]

Anyone tried to publishing at Kompoz.com?

at least...when it's there...there's a chance that someone else may pick it up and put a different twist to it!

[Russ]

Rain, oh it never seems to come when i'm looking for some
Pain, it showers down when you are battling your frown
Answer me if you can, about the time you almost collapsed
Love is all, that I tried to give, but my gift is not so well recieved

How much does it cost, for the feeling to be the boss and choose to stop
Are you, just wandering lost or an angry moth
Again you will fly, into the flame, into the eye
I will not move, because i'm there for you, no matter if you win or lose

Tonight my bottles are empty, and i'm feeling just the same
Point the remote at me but you can see there's no batteries
If you can reach my wall then why can't you climb?
If I wanted you to disappear i'd just turn myself blind..

Speak speak speak,
before you lose your tongue
Fight fight fight,
before your soul is done

[butter]

nice, russ.

heres one of mine. most of what i have is just poetry, since i barely play guitar and havent written music to it yet, but this one has music.

"UNREALITY"

The entire concept changes
Confusion drips from my skulls
Everything I've known before
Acceptantly corrodes.

chorus
Maybe this is the end
We're watching it all
Replay again
The dream on consciousness
Is over now
Moving deep--into blackness.

Things to reconsider
Perceptions to re-perceive
Is there time for all of this?
Is time what we believe?

chorus
Maybe this is the end
We're watching it all
Replay again
The dream on consciousness
Is over now
Moving deep--into blackness.

Rotational symmetry
Endless games
Subconscious customs
History claims.

chorus
Maybe this is the end
We're watching it all
Replay again
The dream on consciousness
Is over now
Moving deep--into blackness.

Shared realities
None do own
All illusive
Existence sewn.

outro chorus (angry whispering...)
What is real?
It's all unreal. (x4)

[Russ]

^^Excellent job man, it's really great to see some submissions in here. This is one of my favorite threads!

[metalhead448]

Look up at the sky, what do you see ?
A world so torn apart
No-ones in control.

Look into to you soul, what do you see ?
A damaged mortal life
That can't be cured.

I. dove. into. your. heart.
All. i. saw. was. darkness. x2

The wider picture isn't clear
So turn and go inside
Most of us human beings
Won't like what you find.

I. dove. into. your. heart.
All. i. saw. was. darkness.
I. dove. into. your. soul.
All. i. saw. was. madness. x2

[butter]

thanks man. ya this thread was a great idea.

metalhead, i can hear some melody to your lyrics.

[bongobro]

Chazbo, "Counting Down the Days" can be taken on so many levels! Excellent!
I am astonished at the lyrical talent we've shared already, and there's no doubt so much more that's coming!

Who said drummers aren't musicians?

[Russ]

They say every word, is a means to an end
If you let it out, then it won't hurt you anymore, my friend..

We come and go, in this magic bungalow, but we'll never know
The answers to our journeys, and how our pain, gives parents worries..

Walk with me why don't you, into this great big blue
So I can find, that guiding light..

If there's no more to this, than selfish savageness,
I might as well of stayed in bed and set a spell..

(4x till end)
So good night to you, and me, and you, from me..

[metalhead448]

Violence. Is my exception.
I have. Been so blind.
Hostile. Is my reception.
For you see i am alive.

(chorus)
Forgetfulness and peace has made you weak inside.
What will you do when i bring this genocide.
To your homes, your lives, killing all the people that the love.

Banished. From my home.
I have. Been in exile.
Suffering. I am alone
The pain i feel was made by thee.
The pain i feel was made by thee.

Euthanized. Is my soul.
I have. Wandered far.
Terrorized. I'm not whole.
Shamed and dishonoured i am scarred.

(chorus)
Forgetfulness and peace has made you weak inside.
What will you do when i bring this genocide.
To your homes, your lives, killing all the people that you love.
Killing all the people that i left behind.

[Sugar-and-spice]

Wow, there really is some poetry talent on this site!

Here's something that's a bit personal, as I've got the feeling I only started living about a year ago



When you think of all the things
that you could have done
You wish you would have had the guts
to have a little fun

But don’t worry about your future
and don’t regret your past
Don’t waste your time on crying
the years go by too fast

If you’re trying to find happyness
but can’t quite make out how
Think of things you’d like to do
and just do them now

[fumbled time]

S/S, Great life message. Keep em coming. F/T

[Sugar-and-spice]

Thank you F/T!

[l_e_i_g_h]

Hey Russ! Got any new ones?